Comments for When Child Abuse Victims Become Bullies

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Oct 23, 2008
 To ALL my visitors:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I recognize that Yvonne, the author of the story above, has been adversely affected by both the bullying AND by what she perceives as a lack of consequences imposed on the bully. However, the issue of bullying is very complex, and often the consequences of bullying behaviour are blind to outsiders. When bullying victims, as well as others, don't see a change in the person doing the bullying or don't witness "punishment" for the deed, it is often assumed that "nothing is being done". It is my experience that that is often not the case. Please understand that I'm not saying this IS the case with the story above. There is no way for me to know one way or another.

Furthermore, some would say that bullying DOES indeed cross into the child abuse domain, and should therefore be addressed on this website. But as things relate to this website and what it is I'm trying to achieve with this site, bullying reaches beyond the purpose I've set out here. Yes, I am trained in this area, but my plate is so full dealing with issues directly related to child abuse and its effects, that I cannot possibly also take on the complicated issue of bullying. I hope that Yvonne and my other visitors understand my position on this.

No one deserves to be bullied. But "punishing" bullies by bullying back or mistreating them in some way isn't the answer. Studies repeatedly show such actions serve to increase, rather than decrease bullying behaviour. And turning a blind eye toward bullying is equally ineffective, as it sends the message to the victim that s/he deserved to be bullied. I repeat, this is a very complicated and multifaceted issue that entire websites are dedicated to addressing. My own professional workshops on bullying have always taken at least 4 hours; and could easily have taken 4 days, even longer.

Yvonne, I strongly recommend some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the effects that this bullying has left you with. You said yourself that you've bullied and that you take your anger out on others; that inappropriate behaviour MUST stop. You know better than anyone how bullying feels and the lasting effects it has on your emotional well-being. I appreciate that you've been so honest with your stories. I also say you are old enough to make changes in your life and to take responsibility for your own behaviour. Perhaps your negative experiences with bullying (from both sides of the bullying fence) will lead you in a direction that will bring on changes in the schools, changes that will stop bullying in its tracks. Perhaps THAT is the purpose in all this adversity you are facing.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with my visitors and me, and for your honesty with regard to your own behaviour. That honesty will take you far.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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