Comments for Wanting to Heal

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Jun 11, 2015
 Maria:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The desire to heal is one of the first steps, but as you already know, that doesn't make it happen. What I've learned helps to bring healing is one, acknowledging the pain you feel without judgment (you've done that), then two, changing your perspective about what happened. I know that sounds very simplistic, but it does work. It's what you tell yourself every day that brings on more of the pain.

Did your mother betray and abandon you? Most definitely. Did she fail to protect you? Absolutely. Did she make choices that put you and others at risk? She sure did. All that is true. But is it the entire story.

You are now a mother yourself. You likely haven't made the same mistakes your mother made, but chances are, you've made some of your own because you're human and you yourself come with a lot of pain from your past. Your mother is no different. Imagine a woman who doesn't think enough of herself or is so fearful of being on her own that she stays with an abusive partner. Think about that for a moment. How much was she lacking to have made such terrible choices for herself, and for her children. It's when you begin to see your mother as a human being with painful stuff in her own past that things may become a bit easier to cope with in your own life. And don't for one second think I'm excusing her choices. Not at all. I'm simply offering an explanation that may help you to bring healing into your own life.

And though your mother was a big factor in the abuse you endured, the person who sexually abused you needs to also be condemned for his choices. He preyed on you, but first, he preyed on women like your mother so he could access children to feed his perversion. That's often what child molesters and child rapists do. Your mother was too sick to recognize that. She may not have even know such a thing. Again, not an excuse, just an explanation.

You can heal from this. But first, you must be ready to change your perspective. Because it's when you change what you tell yourself that other changes can happen. And it's in those changes that healing takes place. You deserve that. Your child deserves that too.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Maria. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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