Understand Me Please

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I am still a minor and have been abused by my dad. It's been like this for many years and I still remember every moment. I've been choked, kicked, hit, and got big objects thrown at me. There was much more than just physical abuse.

In my family household, I am the oldest sibling. My dad shows his favoritism towards everyone but me. When my sibling and I fight, and we both raise our voices, his eyes widen and he turns bright red. I can't ever forget those eyes that stared down at me. He came at me and started yelling. I was pushed down and got kicked at. No one else came by and comforted or helped me.

My mother on the other hand was a bystander. She watched me get hit until I learned my lesson. I tried to tell her that she should try to change and I asked her, "Do you think abuse is right?" She responded that it was my fault for talking back and me getting hit was discipline. I am able to ask this to her because I am not scared of her as I would be with my dad. My dad is twice the size of me and my mom is smaller than me.

I've always been abused for the most stupid reasons. It's always unfair because when my sibling does the exact same thing, she doesn't get punished the way I do.

There were so many other stories of me getting abused and it hurts just to relive it often.

I remember once when I asked my mom why my dad abuses me. Her response was that because he loved me. I cried because that's not real love. My tears rushed out of my eyes every time I hear that abuse equals love.

But, I'm not the only one who has it hard. My dad has abused my pets as well. When I was much younger and my bird squawked or my dog barked, he would rise up and torture them. I was too young to be able to do anything. I stood by them and cried when they got beat for something they never did wrong.

I wish I could be able to tell my dad why all of what he is doing is wrong, but he would take it in a way that I am talking back and then I would get hurt. I am scared and I wish he could change, as well as my mother.

So how is my dad when he is in a good mood with me? Well, I am put in a position where I feel uncomfortable. He would sometimes touch my butt and play it off. I scream every time to tell him to stop. But jokes around and says nothing happened. When I scream, my mom tells me that's rude. But in my position I am uncomfortable with a man touching places I don't like, and he says he is allowed to because he wiped my butt when I was just months old. Shame on my parents for the lamest excuse and for never trying to understand their daughter.

I just wish my parents can change so I can stop suffering and my family won't fall apart.