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Jul 17, 2014
 Belinda:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When a parent or parents do what your father did to you, it has nothing to do with you. It really is all about them. Whatever was going on in your father, he was the one incapable of coping. Whatever happened to him in his past, he made a choice to vent and take it out on the person who didn't fit what he considered a certain mold. You were a major challenge to him, one that threatened all the coping skills he'd taught himself. And the only way he knew to deal with that was to lash out. Cowardly, of course. He was the grown up, you were the child. You had no power. And in an effort to maintain his power, he choose to abuse you. It may or may not help you to know all this, but the fact is, you're the one in pain. You're the one who's suffering. So you can continue to choose to hate and fill up with hostility whenever you remember what horrible things he did to you. Or you can choose to see things from a different perspective. One that releases you from the prison you now live in. Because right now, it's you who is suffering. You who continues to suffer. And that suffering is within your control to stop. You broke the cycle of abuse with your children. I commend and applaud you for breaking that cycle. It's now time to break another cycle; the cycle of hate. Because though you and your father are different, and each of you have chosen a different coping strategy, there are similarities. I know you don't want to hear that. But think about it. Your father lashed out at you. And now you lash out at every other man out there, including your father. Yes, he did terrible things to you; and that seems like a good reason to lash out. But when you do, it's you who suffers. Change your perspective, Belinda, then everything else changes too. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve peace in your life now. You don't have to take his guff. You aren't 4 anymore, you're 47. You can stand up for yourself in a way that is assertive and self-loving. And if your father cannot abide by the rules of decent conduct, then distance is the consequence. You can do this, Belinda. I know you can. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jul 17, 2014
 the abused
by: Anjohn G of mass

Hi Balinda K

I read your story and it reminds me somewhat about my growing up years. I published my story on this web site some time ago. My abuse was very complete in that I hated my parents especially my father from the time I first recognized his existance. I am now 81 and have lived with my supreme dislike for both of my parents for some 75 or so years now and it doesn't get any easier. I went through a couple of suicidal periods during those years where I came within a few seconds of ending it all by crashing my car into a concrete wall as fast as I could go. I realized very early on that I didn't cause my situation but rather I was very unlucky to have been born into a family where I was hated and not loved at all ever. I realized also that I did nothing wrong and didn't deserve to be abused to the breaking point many, many times during my young years. I also know I didn't deserve the punishment I lived with every day and vowed to survive it no matter what. I became a very driven person then and still am even today because of the abuse I received those many years ago. Many people have suggested I learn to forget the past and I know that's impossible for me but I learned to use my anger then to cause me to fight back in the only way I knew how during that time. I feel very sorry for people who were abused especially as little children, who were defenceless little kids. I learned to use my abuse to fight back and find it works for me, its now over 75 years now............. Thank you for listening.

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