Suicidal Alcoholic Mother

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My poor mother was apparently an embarrassment to my father and his family for being suicidal. She was a child herself and not coping with two boys already. They all moved to the seaside, lol. She then gave birth to me a few months after moving.

Her depression worsened, and of course this baby girl, me, born normal, was to blame as she couldn't cope. I didn't do as she expected, I guess I was very hard work as she couldn't toilet train, etc. I was very nervous of her more so but also of the rest. It was already set as a toddler.

After recently analyzing family recordings onto DVD, and I mean many recordings, I found all my fears came true. You see, I thought even after decades of counselling that I was to blame, even though I completely understood. Strange that I still struggle to accept the reality.

Through these recordings I see narcissism, hate, torment, inadequacy of them. I see worse of all, my two brothers, sister and parents all bullying me behind my back. Cowards. Worse of all, behind my back and thriving, revelling in continuing this attack when I walk in the room, not knowing what was going on, not knowing I was the brunt of their horrific, aggressive jokes.

Wow, mind-blowing to see these recordings. I was constantly targeted. I can see the family dynamics, their system unraveling in front of me. But I also see this so sweet little girl doing all she can to please a nervous wreck, so innocent, but obviously such a threat to these people. What's worse, my father and the rest of the family have their families and serious money, where as I have nothing. Great.