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Feb 29, 2016
 Kodie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I do hope you're in some form of therapy for what you endured at the hands of these vile people. For whatever reason, they certainly had it in for you...that's not an excuse, nor is it in any way a blaming finger pointed at you. The system wasn't around to protect you, either from your birth parents or from these sick & twisted adoptives. You were abandoned and betrayed so many times.

Asking why is a natural thing, but never leads to any answers. Even if you were to get the answers you're looking for from these evil people, the answers would be woefully inadequate.

Those of us who go through abuse, severe and otherwise, tend to ask "why me". But we also typically say we wouldn't wish the abuse on our worst enemy. Yet the very question of "why me" almost dispels that latter since when we ask "why me" we're also asking "why not someone else". We don't do this consciously, but it's an important thing to understand. There is always the other question that comes up as we try to get our heads wrapped around what we endured, and that is "what did I do to deserve this". And of course, the answer to that is nothing. I'm bringing this up because I learned a long time ago that questioning my own questions and what they really meant was holding back my ability to heal. And also that those questions led to other questions and the deep need to confront my abusers, which when I did, set me back in ways I had never anticipated. Eventually, I had to accept the sincere apology I never received so that my abusers no longer had power or control over me. As long as I kept asking why, they were still in my head. And that's not where I wanted them to be. I wanted it to be ME in my head, not them.

What happened to you was horrible in the worst way, Kodie. And it did happen. And now you are no longer in that abusive environment, meaning that long-term healing has a much better chance of happening for you.

I love that you are grateful every day. It's a marvelous way to help turn things around in a positive way. I'm delighted that you are writing what you endured, because writing can be extremely cathartic. But it can also help to make sense of nonsense, clear and release pent up feelings and emotions, and can also serve to help move beyond that past that is still haunting.

Consider helping others who have gone through something similar. In the end, Kodie, you and only YOU, get to decide how what you went through is going to impact you and the world. You can choose to use the terrible experiences as a way to bring purpose into your life. Or you can choose something else, something less healing. The choice is yours to make.

There's no doubt that you're very strong. It's what got your through it all. But sometimes it's that very strength that can prevent us from taking our healing to the next level. The very thing that brought us survival during those worst times in childhood can be the very thing that we need to change in adulthood so that our lives today can be lovingly functional, healthy, and back in our own control.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Kodie. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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