Stepfathers Lasting Abuse

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I, like many others on here, have no idea where to start. I'm 28 with four children of my own who I have vowed to protect with my life.

I don't remember what age I was when it first happened, but I was around 8. I don't remember if my mother was there that night or not and if not, then I don't remember why she would not have been. For some reason I wanted to sleep in their bed so I did. I woke up to my stepdad's hand under my shirt with his nasty giant fingers touching my nipples. When I realized who it was I was too terrified to move to let him know I had woke up.

The second time I was around 9 or 10. I was in my room exploring... like any other child does. My mom was sleeping as far as I know. My younger sister was just an infant, so she was sleeping. My stepfather however burst into my room. He asked what I was doing and I had told him "nothing". He took it upon himself to walk over to my bed and start masturbating me. I turned my head towards the wall, clinched my eyes shut and had my hands in fists on my chest. He had asked me if we should get up and go "tell my mom". I said no because I didn't want to wake her up. He then proceeded to ask "how does this feel?" I didn't respond of course, and he continued his doings for a few more minutes, witch to me it seemed like forever. I really wished I had said something to my mom at that point.

I was around 17, I had just recently met who is now my husband. I guess I see him as my hero, seeing as he is the person I ran to with this next thing.

At this point in this monster's life he was doing hard drugs. But it's still no excuse. I was watching a movie in their room. My mom was at work and my stepdad was there, I believe doing laundry but I fell asleep while watching tv. I woke up to him trying to molest me once again. I sat there terrified to move once again. Then something in my head screamed at me to get the f**k up. I sat up so quick, and yelled at him, "What the f**k are you doing!" He looked like a deer in headlights.

I ran out of the house and to my boyfriend's house down the road and immediately told him what had happened and he comforted me the best way he could.

Now of course at this point I was not just a scared little girl. I told my mom. I was dragged into my mom's car, driven up the street to a corner store where she was on the phone for awhile. I remember sitting in the passenger seat mortified and completely embarrassed, just sitting there in the seat sulking trying to hide. No he never actually penetrated me, but I felt it was just as awful just as vile and disgusting.

A few months later we had been kicked out of the house we lived in and was staying in a motel. I was pregnant with my first baby and was getting ready to take a bath. Well, the monster walked into the bathroom while I was totally nude and shut the door but then reopened it anyway. So I slammed the door as hard as I possibly could. That was the last time it was ever an issue with him, but it wasn't the last time I saw him.

We had to end up living together again a couple years later while I was pregnant with my second child. I don't know how or why I ever decided to do that. Maybe it was because my mom and him were on drugs after I left with my first baby. And he ended up leaving the state with my little sister and felt like I need to keep an eye out. That would be the only logical reason i could come up with. I still to this day wonder if he has ever abused her like he did me. If not, then great. I'm really glad if she didn't have to suffer like I did. But I will always wonder.

Just last year around this time my little sister had her first baby at 19. Her thinking she was all grown up decided to send my whole side of the family a few choice words of her own. I had decided to tell her what I had been through with her dad. She told me that I had mentioned it before, but I do not remember doing this. Needless to say, she told me that there's no proof so she does not believe it ever happened. This killed a piece of me inside. My own sister does not believe me? Well, I can't change her mind on the issue but we definitely have a very strained relationship now. I just wish I had never told her. I might still have my little sister...