Starting to Recover

by Leah
(Location Undisclosed)

Hi, my name is Leah and I just turned 15 not too long ago. My father sexually abused me from the time I was born until I was 6. I blocked out most of the memories by the time I was 9. But now, I'm starting to get flashbacks and I remember a lot more. I really needed a place to write this, so now I'm just going to write my story.

My dad was/is a very evil man. I just unlocked these memories and it feels like I'm reliving it all. He used to force me to do oral sex with him and he touched me in ways that make me cry when I think about it. He sexually abuse me BADLY and had fully raped me by the time I was 3 or 4. I remember I didn't try to stop him, but why would I? I didn't even know what sex was back then. I was practically a toddler!

I have nightmares of it almost every night, and when I think about it, I can almost feel him touching me. I know it's been about 10 years, but it still hurts. My mom didn't know about the abuse, but when she did find out, she was devastated and got me and my little sister out of that situation. I don't know if he abused her at all, he probably did. She doesn't remember anything though (probably for the best).

My father collected pictures of naked kids and babies. He also physically abused me. I have scars on me that have been there for as long as I can remember, and I'm pretty sure he caused them.
I remember him pulling down my pants and wiping me.

I have just started to recover even after all these years. I still have PTSD and some metal disorders from it, and have a huge fear of men. But when those thoughts do come into my mind, I just try to think about all the good things I have in my life now. Like, my loving mom, my beagle, and my beautiful little sister.