Comments for Sexual Child Abuse Happens to Males Not Just Females

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Jan 02, 2013
 Sherry:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You couldn't be more right about the fact that males are also sexually abused, not just females. The fact that you are willing to write about your experience and your brother's says a lot about how compassionate you are. Speaking out about what you experienced and witnessed at the hands of your sick and twisted father can help a lot of others. As for your brother, healing is a path each of us take when we're ready. You said your brother forgave your father...perhaps he did, perhaps he didn't. But understand what forgiveness actually is. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness says that you will no longer be held hostage to what happened to you and others. That you will no longer stay in a prison of hate and anger and hostility. It does NOT say that what happened was okay or that what the person did is okay. It wasn't okay and never will be. But forgiveness comes in steps. The first step is to get help for the emotions related to the abuse and the memories you are still carrying. Remember that the abuse is over now...all that's left are your memories, emotions and thoughts. Next step is addressing the guilt YOU feel about your brother's abuse. None of what happened was your fault, Sherry. None of it. You couldn't have stopped it. You had no power. The abuser had all the power, power he misused against you and your brother. Always remember that. You have no blame or shame to carry here. Period. End of story. Be ready to be a support for your brother if he ever connects with you or if he agrees to connect with you if you reach out to him. Just don't pressure him; he's on his own path, a path that you must respect. Just keep being outspoken about sexual abuse against males. I send you both love, light and healing energy, Sherry. Thank you for sharing yours and your brother's story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 07, 2013
 Thanks, Sherry.
by: Kevin F

You're absolutely right in your comments about males being sexually abused as children. Studies apparently show the ratio as one in six males. I would say that if one in six have identified or been identified then the real figure, especially from places like where I grew up - i.e. Ireland in the 1960s and 70s - is much more like one boy in every three or even two.

As a boy growing up, you are faced with shame and guilt about sexual assault and to admit that you have been assaulted in a lot of school or other environments is to open yourself to physical and sexual assault from other boys and adults also. A bit like the poor young men who are 'turned out' or sexually assaulted in jail.

Growing up in such a dangerous and violent environment, where there was no recognition or help at all, means that many men will have completely repressed/suppressed the memory of their assault. Then in true male style, they'll medicate their pain with alcohol or drugs and will also act out the violence.

But I think that every person who speaks out now as a male or on behalf of males puts a small hole in the Great Wall of Denial that has been built around us to protect abusers and molesters. Eventually this Wall will come down and the reality it will expose will surprise a lot of people but will allow many to find relief, validation and healing.
Jan 07, 2013
 Comment deleted by Webmaster
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: I've deleted comments from a commenter who leaves posts that are judgmental and wholly inappropriate. I cannot block her, but I'll continue to delete her comments before they ever go live on the site.
Jan 02, 2014
 Keep Fighting For Recognition
by: AnonS

I am interested in reading and learning about child abuse and have been looking into it for years, particularly regarding male victims and female perpetrators. I get frustrated when I hear about people being judgemental towards male victims; I am no professional and although I am a woman, what has compelled me to arm myself with this knowledge is those around me being closed minded and judgemental. I am extremely pleased when people stand up for male victims; I have had people say such ignorant things to me as girls are more vulnerable and it has a worse effect on girls than boys! How could they think this! How can they say such things as 'it makes the victims seem gay to me' or 'they should be able to stand up for themselves if they are a teenage boy; I am sorry I have no sympathy for them.' People need to keep talking about this and spreading the message! Even if you are a certain size and could physically defend yourself, for example, it does not mean you are not in a corner and there are not emotional and practical reasons to submit. For example you are trained to respect and obey your parents; this may be all you have ever known and you rely on them to keep a roof over your head. A boy may feel he has no choice but to obey his mother, for example. This is natural behaviour. Ignorance needs to be obliterated. My saying is 'choose an angle to save the world from and go for it.' Then all angles will be covered, all good causes fought for. There are so many causes in this world but choose one and draw your sword. Keep up the good work people.

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