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Nov 21, 2014
 Neil:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Abusers of children take advantage of the child's vulnerabilities and youth. They directly and indirectly blame the child; and because it is innate in children to blame themselves for everything bad that is happening in their world and around those they love, it's not unusual to take those thoughts and beliefs with them into adulthood. That doesn't make those beliefs correct. Such beliefs need to be challenged.

You said of children who have been abused, "They become a shell of their true self and the rest of their life is spent trying to fill that void, often in ways that paradoxically injure them even further." This most definitely can be the case, but it doesn't have to be.

If we continue to try and "fill the void" then we continue to be controlled by the people who abused us. Trying to fill the void keeps us in a pattern of living in our memories, re-living the abuse. And in the end, we re-live the memory of the abuse way more times that the abuse actually took place. This is important to understand, because your body doesn't know the difference between a memory of something happening and something actually happening in the moment. The stress response by your body is the same. The good news is that we all have the power to change our response by changing the story we tell ourselves.

It's not about filling the void. It's about recognizing your Self as complete and whole. It's about understanding that you are not what happened to you; you are what you choose to become. It's taking what happened to you and finding purpose in it. Not by making excuses for the people who did the abusing, but rather, making a difference in the world using your talents and gifts. However that looks for you.

If we choose to live as victims, we will always be victims. If we choose to live as survivors, we will always be survivors. But when we choose to live as thrivers, we change the world for the better. In our own unique way.

Neil, you are not lacking anything. You have everything you need inside of you. Who You Really Are comes from your heart, not your head. So tap into your heart space, love your Self, respect your Self and never allow your abusers to control or have power you ever again. It's time to take back the power that was taken from you as a vulnerable child. It's time to use that power in ways that can bring change to the world. THAT would bring purpose to what you endured.

I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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