Relationship Violence Story From Rachel

by Rachel
(Location Undisclosed)

Story of Abuse and Assault: 
When I was 14, I was physically abused by my first boyfriend I had ever had. He loved to use me as his punching bag, and then claimed that I was "making a big deal out of nothing" and that I shouldn't be mad at him. Even when he dragged me down two flights of stairs with my pants and underwear halfway down my legs. I still have scars from where he had thrown me against walls and from when I was dragged down the stairs. He also thought it was ok to touch me in ways that I knew I didn't want to be touched but I was afraid I would get hit again so I stayed silent. After I finally got away from this guy, I couldn't deal with what had happened to me so I began cutting myself and I was extremely depressed. After a little while, I was in my choir singing and a different guy in the choir started touching me inappropriately and I had been taught by the fists of my ex boyfriend to stay silent, so I never told a soul. Finally after a year or so, I had gone numb to everything that had happened to me and thought I could overcome it on my own, until two of my good friends who I had trusted molested me at a party and I couldn't get away from them because they were too strong, about twice the size of me at least, and continued to touch my genitals, my breasts, and my butt. They also came up behind me and pushed me against walls and touched me freely since I could not break free of their grips. I went home feeling dirty, depressed, and horribly betrayed. I'm 19 now and I am still feeling the effects of everything that has happened to me. I have been to two different therapists and I still feel like I am being significantly effected by my past abuse and assault. I have a really hard time trusting any guy and I don't even like being hugged by my father because it makes me think of how all of the other guys I have trusted have touched me, even though I know my father would never do such a thing to me. I'm just trying to slowly recover from everything that's happened. I'm making progress, but I still have a ways to go. Thanks for listening.