Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Nallely

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Mar 18, 2011
 Nallely:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You were trapped in the cycle of violence with this guy. It's no surprise you didn't see what was happening. Most victims don't, because the control and manipulation starts out subtle, and is often mistaken as caring. When someone wants to do EVERYTHING for you and not let you do anything, it's a sign of controlling behaviour, behaviour that will eventually escalate. When I speak at colleges on this subject, I try to impart on the audience, many of whom are or were victims of such violence, that the victim believes s/he loves the person, but in reality, it's not love, but rather, the person is in love with the IDEA of what that abusive partner can be. This is usually cemented in the honeymoon phase of the cycle of violence, when the abuser is lovey-dovey and makes all sorts of promises, most, or none of which are kept. Trust me, Nallely, he would have struck eventually. You see, guys who don't hit women don't hit them even when they're provoked to; they walk away. You did the right thing getting out of the relationship and leaning on your family for support. Now you need to seek out some form of counseling to help you deal with the effects, and to help you identify why it is you see such a man attractive in the first place, and why you would try to provoke a man to slap you. You deserve better than that in your life. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series
Mar 18, 2011
 here for you
by: Heavenleigh

I have been in the cycle...a few times...didn't see it as I was 'introduced' earlier...

It is hard to deal with...I admit that I love the person still...different kind of love and the next 'major' after that (father of my oldest).

I will always love him in a way...I am not in love with him.

I know that you will always feel for him but know that those feelings will dissipate and eventually not be so hurtful. You were stronger than I to be able to walk away, in my case he had to go to jail for me to get free from him.

Best of luck to you dear, Keep your head up and know that time will lessen the 'scar'
Mar 20, 2011
 ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:
by: maurice

I will; I can: I must: NALLELY if you truly believe it was not your fault, you did nothing wrong in all that happened you in abuse then you will follow Darlene's footsteps for you to be a winner over your abuser: Be Brave: Be Stong: have courage and when you start some form of counselling you'll be fine and you'll put all you wrote here to Darlene in perspective: She sure wants what is best for all her visitors but know you are special to her as she has written you her personal comment on what you related happened you by your abuser: She treat each of her visitors very genuinely and her comment is her womans heart feelings to you peronally: You'll be a winner: Live our life to the full: Surround yourself with a few close family and friends who'll love, honour, value, respect you for the great and good person you are in their life right now: Go, for it Nallely, have a healthy mind in a healthy body: think positive thoughts about yourself: Act positively in all you do and say about yourself: That means being positive in how you live one day at a time making progress in your recovery and healing from your abuse suffered at the hands on one who did not give a damn about your feelings or how his abuse would effects you: Be safe: Stay Safe:

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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