Relationship Violence Story From Melissa

by Melissa
(South Africa)

I am in a relaionship with a man who can stay angry for weeks, isolating himself from our bedroom,and any other form of contact when we had an argument, no matter how petty or intense the argument was, I can always count on this behaviour afterwards. He also frequents his mother's house more during these bouts, he doesn't eat the food I prepare, instead, he goes to his mom's house straight after work, eats there and only return later to lock himself away in our spare bedroom. I find this sort of behaviour extremely abusive because I start doubting myself and start coming home late as well so as to not face the rejection. Whenever we argue, he can never speak calmly, he always has to shout and walk out, sometimes he looks as if he wants to hit me, and because I hate shouting, I normally stay quiet. I am usually the one trying to make peace and sometimes this makes me feel even more belittled for ahving to run after him like this. There are quite a few things I can mention, but I'm becomming increasingly upset when I think about it.

I have read through some of your articles and was wondering, if my partner have been a victim of child abuse, and if so, is there anything we could do to remedy the situation? He has asked me to marry him after being together for nearly 5 years, but I'm starting to have serious doubts,after being engaged now for 5 months he hasn't mentioned anything to his mother,whose house I've decided to stay away from, since she has a very manipulating and negetive personality. His parents divorced when he was still at secondary school, but the father remarried. Although he was raised in a christian home, he now absolutely detests talking about christianity or even stepping into a church.
I have always kept most of these things away from my family because when we, HIM and I are alone, he can be the most darling of men,and they love him, although I can't exactly say the same about his family. Whenever he can, he spoils me rotten but surely that is not enough to build a marriage upon.