Comments for Relationship Violence Story From Lynne

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Oct 18, 2010
 Lynne:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

While I commend that your boyfriend seems to have changed his ways, it's only been a year. I wouldn't trust completely just yet. Anything can happen to trigger another violent episode. ANYTHING. The fact that he could EVER lay a hand on you, whether or not he was taking meds for his ADHD, means he has a propensity for doing just that. Yes, people can and do change (and I sincerely hope your boyfriend continues to be violence-free), but given the rates of recidivism, tread carefully, and watch for any signs that he has fallen back. I say this because I do not want to give other visitors a false sense of hope; a hope that keeps victims in the cycle of violence. Stay safe, Lynne, and thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere: author. speaker. survivor. coach.
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
Talk Before Touching® Series
Oct 18, 2010
 I hope he keeps working towards a good life
by: Anonymous

Please lynne Understand everyone is on your side, I was witha similar man, one really bad incident, he got help, he was doing great, three years went by of a decent life, not perfect but no violence at all, but a few bad things happened in a row and he lost it again. He stopped getting help, his reason being, bad things were still happening and him getting help wasn't changing that. I am on your side, but if # 2 incident happens, I advise you strongly to let him go, it is not our job to walk on eggshells and keep the hard things in life away from them, to keep them sane. When my boyfriend lost his temper the second time after 3 years of good behavior, I almost lost my life, a punctured lung, 3 broken ribs and black and blue from head to foot. There was no really horrific thing that happened, just bills getting behind, hours lowered ant work, the day he beat me senseless, was over water spots on the forks. I pray for your boyfriend to stay well, and on the right track, as it is as hard on him when this happens, inside he hates himself for hurting you, but that only makes them act out even more. So if all stays well, great, but don't allow yourself to get hurt twice, as soon as you see the red face and the stomping around and bad mouth act, just get out. I am sorry to talk like this, it may never happen, and I hope it never does, because it is so hard to see someone you love in this state and know you can't help them. I am hoping for you and your boyfriend to have a great life. If he stops his meds or does anything like the old days, just take yourself to a safe place. There is help out there for you, to help you get through having to let go Find support groups for both of you in your area, you need help to heal too. I had given up all my friends and didn't even know I had done it. I just did what he wanted cause I didn't want to anger him after the first episode, we did everything he liked, I didn't even realize I had changed who I was out of an inner fear We all want you to be happy with or without a mate. So don't change yourself to keep him happy, only do what seems best for your growth, if that is not what he wants, than you weren't meant to be, and that will be hard to accept,I hope both of you have a great life, together or apart. We don't want you to think there is no hope for any human being, just be sure to see the signs, and act on them, with him or any human being. I hope the very very very best for you and your fella. Eileen
Oct 19, 2010
 If he is truly honest with himself and you he will get help
by: maurice

Lynne: I been around for many a year; I experienced many relationships like the one you are in: Don't be fooled that he won't be violent to you again: Love is a beautiful thing: True love is being in a relationship/commitment friendship where both value and respect the other: allowing for and helping each other to honour the trust that both are working at: No mention of children so please think twice: be sure rather than sorry: Hoping he has turned the corner is one thing but if you truly love him, Please ask him to think about counselling for himself first and then for both of you to spend time in counselling: I hope and pray evn wish all will be well for you both: Darlene has given you alot of thinking to do: she knows what may or may not be the outcome long term: So be prepared and with the first hint of violence leave him immediately: He won't change unless he changes his attitude as well as taking his medication: Be safe for yourself: Your life is worth living but not in fear but in genuine and true love for yourself and then with him: I hope he values you enough to do what is right and get counselling: Lynne: Heed Darlene's womans heart love and words to you: I hope outside your relationship you have a friend or two even your family to share what you wrote to Darlene: You need a loyal friend in your life: as well while making sense of your relationship and your level of love for him: He has to respect you having friends:

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