Relationship Violence Story From Bety

by Bety
(Mexico)

I was with this guy for 2 years, and at first he was the most charming man in the world. Little by little he started acting jealous, and I interpreted it as a sign of his love. He would tell me constantly that I was fat, that I was ugly and that he had girls a million times better looking than me and he could get girls better looking than me just by wishing it. He has a very hard childhood and I wanted to show him the world was not how he thought it was. I wanted to show him there was love, there were trustworthy people and that I would stand by him no matter what. That was exactly the problem, I was determined to be with him and it didn't matter that I had to do more and more things for him every day. I started lying to my parents. They always thought I was at a friend's house because he refused to meet them so I found myself hiding my relationship.

He stole my car once, and checked my cellphone every time he wanted to. He used to accuse me of cheating, until one day he hit me and that became frequent. He would pull my hair, slap me, shove me, threatened me. He threatened to kill me and my parents, he knifed my tires, and he used to text me the worst things. I was in permanent panic, and I found myself going back to him trying to soothe him, so he would be ok again and I wouldn't feel in danger.

The worst day was one where he put his hands around my neck and began to choke me. He let me go when I was about to faint. I remember myself thinking, "This is it, he is going to kill me, my parents won't even know what happened to me." He let me go that time, and I even went back to him after that....

It took a long time for me to leave him. I was able to do so when I told my mom. She helped me, made me feel stronger, let me know she was there for me and made me realize as soon as he knew people we aware of his threats he would back off.

We broke up 2 years ago and I'm still afraid. I can't sleep if my door isn't locked from the inside. I find myself remembering those awful times. Sometimes I still feel afraid, and I'm worried he might ever decide to call me or look for me.

I shouldn't have stayed with him for that long. I didn't have to put myself through that. I didn't need to fear for my life to leave him...I could have left earlier. Yes, at first I had faith. Then maybe I felt we had something. Then I was afraid. Then I was terrified. I found a new excuse every day for 2 years to stay with him, and now I realize there was no need.

I am writing this because I don't think I've ever told anyone just how scared I was, just how scared I still am, and because maybe there is someone out there living something similar to what I lived and doesn't have the strength to walk away or still has hope.

Things DO get worse. Talk to your parents. Let your aggressor know that you are not alone. Recognize violence. You don't need bruises, blood or broken bones to walk away. You don't have to put up with anyone calling you names, humiliating you, scaring you. Break the silence. Break the cycle! It's going to take a while to recover, but life can be different and you will realize it as soon as you decide it has to be different.

English is not my first language so I apologize for the mistakes in this post but I am sure grammar nor spelling interfere with the message. Thank you very much.

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