Recounting the Memories

by Brayden
(Colorado, USA)

My story starts at age 6 when I was sent to live with my step-mom and my dad because my mom was a drug addict. I believe Social Services had something to do with it, but I don't really know. I never saw my mom again and hardly remember her. They sent me to my dad who had another family with an older step-son and a daughter with my step-mom a little younger than me.

My step-mom always had a disdain attitude towards me, and besides criticism and snide remarks, never had much to do with me. I suppose she just put up with me, but really didn't want anything to do with me. My half sister and I were close and is the only family I associate with today.

I was put in the same room with my 10-year-old step-brother. We became close. I trusted him, and leaned on him after the beatings I received from my father. The first year or so he was very good to me and was a great older step-brother.

My dad never really wanted me, but I think he felt obligated to take me in and was verbally and physically abusive towards me. He would spank my step-brother and my sister as well, but he saved the beating for his b*****d son, as he used to call me. He spanked me the first night I was there and 100's of times throughout my childhood. The spankings turned into beatings several times as well, leaving my poor body bruised and welted all over.

My step-brother was both there for me, and my abuser. He introduced me to porn and started molesting me when I was around 7. This continued and escalated until he left when I was 16. At that time, my sexuality was broken, and it took till my early 20's before I started dating.

Very early on when my step-brother started, I went to my father, but I didn't really know how to explain what was happening. It turned into a nightmare for me. He accused me of tattle-telling and gave me a whipping for it. After that I just accepted what was happening to me and went into an altered state while it was happening.

I somehow escaped into my school work and ended up going to college, where I finally got the help I needed. I was having severe nightmares, but with encouragement from my roommate, I went and got help.

Thanks for letting me share. Recounting all the memories is an important part of healing.