Recent "Allegations" of Child Abuse

by Pierrette
(Canada)

I am the mother of two young boys. I cannot disclose more than that as this is currently going through the legal process and I don't want to jeopardize my chances of them staying with me.

I recently took my boys away from their father. He had primary care of the children with me having access to them every second weekend and two weeks in the summer with alternating holidays throughout the school year. In 2002, he moved in with a woman who he claims was taking care of the children as a child care provider. Of course I knew that this was not true and eventually found out that she was his girlfriend. For four years he and his girlfriend conspired to cut me out of the children's lives. They made it impossible for me to see or speak to my children. Last night I found out that they never once told the boys that I called, nor did they tell them where I lived, even though their father knew the whole time.

Approximately 2 years ago, she contacted me and indicated that the children needed to have me back in their lives. This is when I aggressively began to "legally" gain access to the children and we got the ball rolling with visitation and custody issues. I wasn't going to lose the opportunity of "cooperation" with respect to the boys and their father. (The reason I did things this way is the fear that he would leave/move away and I would never see them again—he did this for about a week 6 years ago, until he was found with the kids and was ORDERED to bring them back.)

Anyway, approximately 1 week ago, I received a call from his girlfriend, telling me some really horrible stuff with respect to the kids. There were allegations lodged against both of them regarding neglect, emotional and verbal abuse, physical abuse, disharmony in the home, and "addiction issues". There were 4 family enhancement agreements with Child Protection Services, 8 screenings, and 5 investigations launched for allegations of abuse. Needless to say, I have taken the kids from the home, with the encouragement of my attorney, enrolled them into school and have no plans on returning them. I will be FOIPing the Social Services files on the investigations and going through the court process. I will fight tooth and nail to keep them with me.

I'm having problems with the boys at home. Both of them want to go back to their dad. They are denying everything. They are saying that C.P.S has been trying to take them away from their dad since 2003, and have indicated that they believe that it's the job of C.P.S to take kids away from their parents. She (the girlfriend) has left the family home with her infant daughter, but he (the boys' father) has told me that they are "working" on things and that she could possibly be coming back home. Most of the allegations are against her, and he has acknowledged that he knew what was happening but didn't make much of an effort to stop it.

Both boys and I had a discussion this morning about the importance of going to school and getting to a regular routine, as they both told me that they don't want to go to school. They tried to argue with me over it. Basically, I need advise.

How do I get the kids to understand that I'm doing this for them and that it's not being done to hurt them? I've told them this repeatedly. I've told each of them that they've done nothing wrong. They both get told on a regular basis that I love them and I offer hugs whenever I can. They don't seem to understand it, still. I am willing to be stubborn and stick to my guns. I have told both of them that they have done nothing wrong.

How likely, seeing that things are only being alleged, that I will be ordered to take them back? All parties that made the claims are now denying the claims. How many times does C.P.S have to investigate things before they believe that something is going on? Understand that up until this point, nobody has been actually charged with an offense. Nor did I know of any of the allegations, as C.P.S had not once called to discuss any of this with me, even though I am their biological mother and share joint custody with the father. I am aware that it's possible they did not know of my existence, as his girlfriend would proudly proclaim to everyone that they were her children. She even went so far as to write it down on their school registration forms.

I believe that since he (the boys' father) has admitted abuse in the home, and that he was aware of it, that he is just as guilty for it because he has not done anything to stop it. He also admitted to abusive behavior and alcohol addiction.

How do I as the mother to these two wonderful boys, cope with this and help them to cope with it, especially when they refuse to acknowledge abuse in the home? They think that this is how every family lives.