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Dec 19, 2017
 To June:
by: Darlene - Healing Coach

You learned your father's lessons to a T. I don't see any evidence of adopting a balance between your mother's and father's POV. Only your father's. And understandably so. After all, survival is everything.

Your father was an emotional abuser. He used threats and intimidation to coerce the behaviour he wanted. For everyone.

When we come from that kind of abuse, it's not uncommon to adopt emotionlessness as a coping skill. It's less "c'est la vie" and more "say what you will, I don't really give a damn". After all, without the burden of emotion, we don't have to feel...well...anything. And if we don't give a damn about anyone else, then emotion doesn't have to be experienced.

The trouble is, to be human is to have emotions, even if they're buried.

Your dad belittles EVERYONE, except you now, because you've adapted and adopted to his way of coping. Yes, he is "coping" from whatever his own historical painful experiences brought him.

Going forward, you get to choose how you're going to BE in this world. The less emotional ties you have, such as in friendships and intimate relationships, the less you'll have to deal with the potential emotional pain that trust brings. But on the other side of that coin, you won't ever get to experience the depth of love than is there to experience when you trust someone who is truthworthy because you'll never let them in. Such is the nature of emotionally vacant coping skills. But, as I said already, that is your choice to make.

But as I always do, I send you loving healing energy, June. Thank you for keeping this promise to your friend by sharing your emotional abuse story.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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