Pieces of Dysfunction

by Nawal
(UK)

I am 47 years old, a British Indian gent. From age of first memory petrified of my father. He is a narcissist. He has always exploded for trivial things. Such as my mum being nice and loving us. Oh no she can only serve him, not us. Fits of rage. Beating my mum and me. Black and blue. Once, my mum was thrown against a wall and her head smashed so hard she had a 6-inch by 3-inch rectangular lump sticking out of her head for days. I was six when this happened in front of me.

He constantly beat me too. Five onwards, for silly things, like not being as good at math as my friends. He'd fly into fits of rage, frightening ones, all through my childhood. Once, he had an accident and broke his nose. He told me if I so much as tell anyone, he would cut my leg off. I was eight.

I was abused physically by all the male teenagers in our neighbourhood from ages 7-10. Viciously.

My father still torments me. My mum is a living corpse. I saw her get electric shock at age 6 in a psychiatric hospital with plate on head and jaw protector. I have PTSD. He continues to live happily while we pick up the pieces of dysfunction.

I have a wonderful family who need me, my wife and daughter, I mean thank you. But I still need help.