Ongoing Abuse

by Z.N.
( Dhaka, Bangladesh)

I'm 15/16. I am still getting abused physically, mentally and verbally by my family especially my mother. I don't understand what to do to overcome this. I read about the effects of child abuse and I can see those effects on me. But I don't understand why people can't see or understand it. In my case, my mom and family think that if they hit do not love me they will become the best parents. 'Cause they give too much love to my elder and younger sisters. So they thought they can raise me up properly by being too strict with me. But they don't get that they are damaging my present and future. My mom just does not love me. Don't know why. Maybe because I know some secrets about her. Sometimes I feel she feels jealous of me and my family didn't wanted me to take birth. If they could they would kill me. My mom says to me such things that a mother can't even think to say to her daughter. She firstly abuse me and brainwash my father against me and instigate and encourage my sisters to stay away from me.

Now I feel I'm shattered from inside and don't have patience anymore. I sometimes feel to commit suicide but then I think why should I end my life because of them. But again something happens.

My parents behave well with my sisters and love them. I am not jealous of them but I don't understand why the opposite with me.

I've thousands of stories of getting abused. But I could never tell anyone about it. The physical violence has lessened a bit ‘cause now I don't tolerate quietly. But hasn't stopped. And the verbal and mental abuse are still going on. I want to get out of this. I don't know what is in store in my future!