Comments for OH REALLY?

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Mar 31, 2008
 Unclear about what prompted your anger...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I really don't know what comments you took such objection to. I disagreed with Brandy Shirley on the issue of confrontation through one of the Ask Darlene questions posted on this site yesterday, March 30, 2008; and I stated my reasons for disagreeing. Nothing of what I said was intended as denigrating remarks toward Brandy Shirley or her abilities as a therapist.

I feel a great deal of compassion for the pain you must have, and continue, to live with. Given your trust in Brandy Shirley, I have the utmost confidence that as your therapist she will continue to help you along the road toward healing and recovery.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Mar 31, 2008
 My opinion...
by: Brandy Shirley

Hi Darlene,

I became aware of this person's feelings yesterday and suggested that he apologize to you. But, I just wanted to let you know, myself, that I didn't take your comments personal and I respected what you had to say. You are doing a good job with your site and I refer to it often.

Take care

Brandy Shirley
Apr 01, 2008
 To Brandy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you for the compliment, and for taking the time to write me your thoughts on this matter, Brandy. While we may not always agree on a particular approach, I very much appreciate and respect your experience, wisdom and contributions, and the manner in which you use them on this site. I think I can safely speak on behalf of the visitors you have reached out to as well. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 02, 2008
 I AM SORRY DARLENE
by: Kevin

HELLO DARLENE, I WAS THE GUY WHO WAS NEGATIVE ABOUT YOUR DISCUSSION WITH BRANDY SHIRLEY I FELT AT THE TIME YOU HAD DISCREDITED HER. I FEEL SO BAD FOR MY NEGATIVE REMARKS I ONLY HOPE THAT YOU WILL FORGIVE ME. I AM VERY SORRY FOR JUDGING YOU SO WRONGLY I THINK YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL SITE AND THE WORK YOU ARE DOING IS VERY KIND. GOD BLESS.
Apr 02, 2008
 Apology accepted...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kevin, I appreciate and accept your apology. And thank you for your kind words about my site and the work I do with it.

I must tell you, I honestly didn't take anything you said personally. I understood that you were speaking from a very painful place, a place I've been to myself. Forgiveness was automatic from my end; I was being sincere when I stated below that I felt a great deal of compassion for what you must have lived through. I actually feel a profound connection with you, Kevin; I can only imagine the number of times you were forced as a child to protect someone you cared very deeply for. I can also relate to "negative remarks." Allow me to share a personal experience with you:

More than 25 years ago, while I was in therapy with my psychiatrist, Dr. Stein, I was having a particularly difficult time keeping up the barriers that I'd set up as coping skills, skills that had protected me as a child but were constricting me as an adult. We were dangerously close to a breakthrough, but I was having nothing of it. I stubbornly thought of myself as well informed and well on my way to understanding why I was such a wretched mess; I was determined to tell him I didn't need him to be telling me anything. So, in order to protect the mental walls that I had erected around myself, I took not one, not two, but several accusatory shots at him during one of our sessions. Looking for some kind of reaction, I poked and prodded and goaded this infinitely patient man's ego, finally calling him a know-it-all with the quote, "You, you just sit there like King Feruke!" When he reacted with a very stern, "That's enough!" his reaction gave me an obstinate sense of satisfaction: I, the patient, had finally put the know-it-all in his place.

But then, then...at the beginning of our next session, he opened it up with an apology. An apology, of all things. He actually felt obligated to tell me he was sorry for his lack of professionalism. I felt so small, so childish in the presence of this benevolent but also perceptive man. I did give him a heartfelt apology in return, but more importantly for me, it was the beginning of a breakthrough. We hashed out what had occurred in the previous session; and I learned that my inappropriate outburst at him was really directed toward my father.

My negative remarks toward Dr. Stein were as a result of being in a great deal of pain; I am therefore in no position to judge. I think of us as kindred spirits, Kevin. And I hope that with the helpful guidance of Brandy Shirley, you too are able to find the kind of peace that you so deserve.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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