No Longer Hiding

by Stephanie
(California, USA)

I think it is time for me to stop hiding from my past, to show those who criticize me for who I'm and how I'm never the person I was before this nightmare. Those who went through this similar at any age is hard, mostly when they don't know what is right or wrong. Sometimes I try to forget, forget the pain, the moments, tears, and scars.

It all started when I was just 5 years old. I was sexually molested by my brother's friend whom at that time we used to live with his family, as my family had no where to live. His parents offered us to live in one of the rooms for my family of 6. I still remember that night when we came home from Camelot Arcade with my twin sister, mom, and the abuser. My mom had left quick to the store to buy milk. He started touching me and my twin sister, and made us touch him sexually as well. Almost everyday he would sexually molest me... I was only 5 years old, I didn't know what was going on nor what was happening. My mother came home and caught him molesting me, he blamed me for provoking it. She took me and my twin to the restroom, than she went to my dad's job and cried to him on what she saw. Couple weeks later, we found a house and we moved. At that time I was 6 years old.

Then out of nowhere the abuser moves in with us at our new house. How? Why? Every Saturday when no one was home, he would come in to my room and start touching me. Even if I cried or screamed no one would find out, because I was alone and I thought no one cared. It went on and on, I was still quiet about me being sexually molested.

Finally, after 7 years of being sexually molested at my parents own house, the abuser moved out. It was one of those happy moments for myself, because I knew I was safe now and how I would never be sexually molested.

I started middle school. I started getting bad grades, getting into trouble with the teachers, that ended me getting expelled. After that I started cutting myself and every weekend I was drunk and smoking marijuana.

When I was 15 years old, I fell in love with the love of my life. One night in August we hung out and he forced me to have sex with him. As any stupid little girl... I did. On December of that year, I found out I had an STD "Sexually Transmitted Diease" chlamydia gonorrhea. After 1 whole year of being under treatment, I was STD free.

I still cut myself, and suffer from depression. I tried to commit suicide, I just couldn't... So I texted my mom to come to my room. I started crying to her and told her everything, what happened with the abuser and myself. My mom started crying, and started blaming herself.

Not many people know how hard it is being illegal and not having any support system. Unfortunately, my parents worked day and night to provide for my siblings and I. I don't blame my parents for what happened, but the abuser for taking advantage of a 5-year-old through 13 years of age.

I have learned to forgive people. I will not forget everything he did to me and how today I can't be a happy person. Deep down inside me, I have hate towards him, but God will punish him for all he has done.