Comments for My Mother's Brother

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Dec 18, 2014
 Teressa:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What your uncle did to you was calculated, very well thought out. He not only took advantage of your youth and vulnerabilities, he set it up so that you would believe you had a choice in the matter. By asking "permission" he convinced himself that he had consent, consent that you could not give. And he convinced YOU that you were the one in control, that you had all the power. HE had all the power, Teressa. HE held all the cards. If you had tried to exercise your so-called free will, he would have used another way to abuse you, a way that could have been far more physically and emotionally abusive.

Don't beat yourself up for stopping your friend from being abused and not stopping the abuse he was inflicting on you. You don't know what you don't know. You are looking at this from a child's perspective and applying adult values to that perspective. Values that don't belong under the circumstances. It was far easier to stop your friend from getting abused than it could ever be for you, in part because your friend wasn't vested in the same way you were. He lived with you. You were the one with the familial relationship. Not your friend.

Standing up for your friend taught you so much for the future. It set in motion a character trait that you never want to lose. I'm a believer in silver linings, even amidst the most heinous of experiences. The silver lining here is how you became a protector. Someone who stepped up to the plate when it was necessary.

And on a side note, from my perspective, the way you handled yourself was the way you needed to in the moments that each of these abusive episodes took place. No amount of second guessing will change the fact that you made choices in the best way you could with what you had at the time.

You were not his only victim. But that isn't on you. That's on HIM. And I'm so very proud of you for speaking out. So many who are victimized never do. So give yourself the credit you deserve.

You already know your husband is not this person who abused you. That's the logical side. It's the emotional side that's so challenging to deal with. The key to healing the part that will allow you to have a full and enriched relationship with your husband is in re-framing what happened to you. It's in telling yourself a different story. Not out of denial. But rather, from a place of understanding. And that understanding starts with recognizing everything you did right and embracing the wonderful little girl you were, and now the wonderful woman you have become.

You can't change how you feel, but when you change how you think, you automatically change how you feel, which automatically changes how you act. ~Darlene Barriere

I send you love, light and healing energy, Teressa. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Dec 18, 2014
 Child Abuse
by: Charlene T

You are a valuable person don't blame yourself.
a lot of us really been put through hell.

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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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