Comments for My Abuser Was Arrested

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Sep 12, 2014
 To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There are so many emotions you are experiencing right now: fear and anxiety among them. You want justice for what he did to you but are afraid of reliving all that he did in order to get that justice. And then there is no guarantee that your testimony will be enough to have him convicted, so there is anxiety about that. There's a back-and-forth war going on about how you just want to forget all of it while also not being able to and weighing the challenges you'll face if you have to remember all of it. Again. Then there's the knowledge that if victims don't speak up there may be other victims that speaking up might help to avoid. Then there might be guilt for not speaking up sooner. Or at all. Plus a host of other streams of thought that are going on inside you right now.

While you know in your heart of hearts that speaking up as a victim could help to bring this man to justice, you have to do what's best for you. Know that any other victims who have spoken up could use your help and support, and thus, be in a position to also help and support you. There is strength in numbers. Though I do understand your reluctance since he abused you before he abused the person(s) who have brought their story(s) forward; and that may be bringing about a great deal of apprehensive on your part. The fear of not being believed is the number one reason victims of sexual abuse don't tell. And there is good reason for that fear since so many victims are not believed. What you do now can mean the difference between beginning true healing and carrying further guilt, shame, even blame...none of which is yours to carry. But whatever your decision, please reach out for support. Find people you trust that you can talk to, because without a support system in place, you could easily find yourself sliding into depression, no matter what you decide to do in the end. And always remember, you are so much stronger than you realize. After all, you survived the worst of it already. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Sep 12, 2014
 abused
by: John G of mass us

I have lived for now some 80 plus years with the knowledge of severe abuse by my parents for some 75 years now and that's a long time. I have seen and heard thousands of stories about abuse and hear it on the news nearly every day, shooting young girls for going to school to get an education. The beheading of journalists for trying to make the world a better place. From my perspective religions are the major cause of the fanaticism that is a major cause of abuse. My father would come home from church and beat me to the point of almost killing me. There are a lot of people that abuse their defenseless little children for little or no reason. In my opinion they are not qualified to have children and the system doesn't have a control on who does, so just about anyone can and I see that as a problem. Another problem I see is there is nothing taught in schools about parenting so just about anything goes. Teaching people about child rearing should be a big deal as I see it and there is none that I know of, if it does not happen properly in the home then it doesn't happen at all. Some changes for the better have been made since I was a little boy. If my abuse happened today my father would have been in jail. When I was around 5 or so I would have taken off with only the cloths on my back many times but the fear the police would simply bring me back and I knew for sure my father would have killed me. For me any place I could have gone would have been better than where I was nearly all the time. When I finished school and could leave I did and never went back............................
Dec 20, 2014
 I know that feeling!
by: Anonymous

Im 15 and my abuser was also arrested last year. what bothers me the most is i NEVER told!! for 6 years i was selfish and stupid for not saying anything. I knew what "bad touching" was when i was 8, and still didnt tell. I was ashamed and scared and humiliated. I always thought i could forget about it since it only happened the one time. but i never forgot and probably never will. I will always hate him and hope that the ppl in prison will make him suffer.

Of course I'm glad that he was arrested, but deep down i know that IF i had told like i KNEW i should have then other girls wouldnt have been abused. How many other girls did he touch since me? How many would have been saved if I told and he got arrested 7 years ago? of course its too late now. nothing i say would make any difference at all. plus i dont want him to rememeber me. just that thought alone makes me sick.
Dec 21, 2014
 john g
by: Anonymous

Hi

Do not blame yourself for doing or not doing anything. Thank god your exposure to this abuse was limited to one time as I understand it. Once is all you need to own a life long problem. What you do about it is the important thing. In my opinion that one time will stay with you for all time, properly dealt with the results can be minimal or devastating that is up to you. If you did not ask for what happened then its not your fault. In my case I knew from the start that I was very unlucky to have been a child of these two parents. I vowed never to give in and fight no matter what to survive. That was some 75 or so years ago. It has not been easy but I am still here and I do what I can to appose abuse in all its forms and will do so until I leave. Do what you can........

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