Comments for Mother On Daughter Sexual Child Abuse

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Jan 08, 2011
 Jackie:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Mother-daughter sexual abuse happens more often than people believe, and more often than the statistics reflect. There is a dynamic present in mother-on-child sexual abuse cases, even more of a dynamic when the child is the offender's daughter; too much of one to go into within the scope of this thread. Also, victims fear telling in such cases because they fear not being believed, fear being the number 1 reason victims do not disclose any kind of sexual abuse. But the fear when a mother is the sex offender goes much deeper, in part because society does not want to accept that the very people who give birth, the caregivers and nurturers could possibly sexually abuse their own child. Believing mothers are capable of such crimes tears at the fabric of our civilization. But mothers ARE capable of sexually assaulting their children, be they sons or daughters; and they DO. While my female sex offenders page on this site does not offer a lot of information on this issue, there is a little bit of information. I'm currently working on a book that will include mother-daughter sexual abuse, but the completion of this book has been delayed indefinitely due to my speaking career and other projects that have had to take priority. I have posted a few mother-daughter sexual abuse stories on this site, but given the thousands of stories here, there is no way for me to point you directly to them. What I will say is that your sister needs a great deal of support from you. Questioning whether or not this happened to her will further victimize your sister. Based on what you wrote, your mother has already targetted your sister for abuse. Your mother doesn't have to be "insane" or "evil" to also be a sex offender; although many might argue that committing a sex offense is evil and insane. Be there for your sister. She's had a very difficult life at the hands of your obviously disturbed and twisted mother. Thank you for bringing up this issue with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 08, 2011
 It happened to me
by: Briana

I was physically and sexual abused by my mother from when I was 9 years old till 15 when child protective service took me out of the house. When I spoke with child protective services they told me that it was a 'rare' case and they usually don't have to deal with female sex offenders and this type of situation. I was definitely afraid to speak up because I thought that no one would believe me. My brother still lives in the home and refuses to talk to me because he doesn't want to believe that this really happened to me. He tells me all the time that I have lied and destroyed the family and he will never talk to me until I take back my 'lies'. It did happen to me and I am sure that it happens to a lot more people than we want to believe. Please try to believe your sister. I don't think she would make up stories just to tell you. Believing in her and offering her support could even bring your relationship closer. I know I wish my brother believed me and I could lean on him for support. Getting over these scary memories is not easy and I believe that your sister would benefit greatly from your support.
Jan 08, 2011
 other stories, mother/daughter sexual abuse
by: My Two Cents

I have been considering a return to school for my masters in social work and I looked into this issue for a thesis. Most of the stories that I have seen on this site with female to female abuse was between older teenagers (babysitters, cousins, etc) and younger children. Most of the mom to daughter abuse I saw posted on this site was physical.

The sexual abuse stories that I remember are: Sarah (molested by step mom along with her brother). Name undisclosed54 (sexual abuse by both sperm and egg donors). I do remember commenting on 54's story, it was very disturbing.

With regards to textbooks, the earliest I remember reading about a female molester is in the book, "Secret Scars: A Guide for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse" by Cynthia Crosson Tower, 1988, Viking Press but the example is that of a mother bathing her son's privates in the tub.

Does that help? There are also a couple of books that will show up if you google "sexual offenders, female, treatment" but they are a little pricey so the local university might be a better source.

Be well.

My Two Cents.
Jan 09, 2011
 Please believe her
by: Anonymous

I was sexually abused by my mother from when I was very young (earliest memories of it go back to about 18 months old) until when I was 13/14. I still live with her and we have a strangely normal looking relationship that is really not normal at all. She was not abusive or especially neglectful in other ways and the idea of telling anybody just makes me terrified I won't be believed, even though i'm fairly sure she won't deny it happened...she's in a lot of pain too.

I think it does go unreported a lot, even more than other sexual abuse. It's a hard thing to come to accept that your mother hurt you in that way and it's an even harder thing to accept that a lot of people, even professionals simply WON'T entertain the idea that mothers can and do abuse their daughters/children. That leaves you in a very lonely place.

Please believe your sister, the idea of believing her and it not being true is not a nice one but the idea of NOT believing her and it being completely true..well. I know I would never want to be the one to do that to someone.

It's a hard thing for any child when all they want when they're scared is their mommy...but mommy is what they're scared of.

Be there for your sister if you can. Encourage her to get into therapy if she's not already, so that she can have some help to heal.
Jan 09, 2011
 for anonymous, the prior poster
by: My Two Cents

I hope you, yourself, are safe from your mom now. You didn't say how old you are now, but that the abuse went on til 13/14 and that you still live with her.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, it is one of the complaints that some survivors of mother/daughter incest have stated in the past. That all the attention is on males(fathers, step fathers) and daughters in most books. Where I have seen female sexual offenders discussed, the victims/survivors tend to be males.

I seem to remember there was a website for survivors of mother/daughter incest, which I think had the idea of being an online support group for survivors. I cannot remember the name but google might find it, or a similar one.

Anyways, there is a real lack of information on this issue, and hopefully Darlene's book will help to address this lack.
Be well.

My Two Cents.
Jan 09, 2011
 Through the years I have shared
by: maurice

Darlene: thank you for professionally and as a woman informed your many listeners of the extend of such abuse: My many female friends single and married and professionally trained confirmed to me that what you relate here in your comment to this sister of a sister whose Mother chose her sister to sexually abuse her: To the sharer of this concern for your sister: Please stand by your sister: Believe her: Love your mother and your sister in the hope they both will go into counselling when they are ready in their own healing process: You are a good sister good on you for wanting to know more: Darlene has re-assured you what you should do: Please be gentle and sensitive with your sister: Live your own life to the full: have ahealthy mind in a healthy body: Great the loving comments from My 2 cents: Brianna: Anonymous: there is empathy from the hearts of all to your question Mother on Daughter Sexual Abuse: Walk with your sister: help her live her life to the full with you: You are a loving caring sister I would love to have you as mine
Feb 02, 2011
 female abusers in movies
by: My Two Cents

I finally remembered to look this up and post it.

Back in early 2000 or so, there was a television station in Canada called, women's television network - wtn.

WTN aired lots of movies that related to women's issues of the day and I would watch to see what society thought was a "women's issues" whatever, right?

Anyways, they aired a made for television movie filmed in the United Kingdom, called "No child of mine". The child character, Kerry was played by Brooke Kinsella (I think the name is correct).

Kerry had a...umm, "difficult life" would be an understatement.

Kerry was (in order) - sexually abused by her mom, pimped out by her bio dad, given to mom's boyfriend by mom, recruited by a pimp who parked outside her group home (when she went into care), raped by one of the group home staff, and....well, you get the idea. I thought it was too much, that it was too graphic, but that's television for you I suppose.

Anyways...this movie, whenever it was made, is the first time I ever saw a female child abuser in a movie.

Another televison show out of the UK is a program called "pamora" or "panorma" (??) Which did a documentary on female child abusers. There is a transcript of the program at menweb if you go there, or you could google, "female sexual offenders, united kingdom, etc...."

I hope that's of use to you who wish more info on this topic.

Be well.

My Two Cents.
Feb 12, 2011
 resources on this topic
by: My Two Cents

I located some additional resources on this topic courtesy of google and some free time.

Video:
Who will love me - four stories of mother-daughter sexual abuse by Dr Christine Hatchard

When girls do it: the story of female sexual predators

Both videos are listed as documentaries.

Academic article/study:

Women who sexually abuse children, violence and victims journal, vol 2, #4 by Kathleen Faller.

I hope these resources help to show that this stuff, mother to daughter sexual abuse DOES happen.

Be well.

My Two Cents.
Dec 26, 2011
 im a survivor
by: Anonymous

I'm a survivor of incest...it was my mom. Tothis day she thinks I'm nuts. I don't know how much to say here or not, but your sister isn't alone.
Mar 19, 2012
 It does happen
by: Anonymous

Please support your sister. It does happen it happened to me
May 22, 2012
 the memories ar slowly coming back
by: Anonymous

after a life of self destructive beahviours, anger and depression, im now 34 and the wrench in my stomache maybe undoing..this happened to me . my body experiences trauma effects from the faint memories .clenching, numbing, nausea , anxiety. i was always the crazy one . the actor and let me tell you i was an actor throughout my childhood , in a play of dillusion rite next to the star my own mother. what am i going to do , slowly repair myself maybe confront her . but mental illness is a tough mask , this is generations of violence , and this generation didnt bear its effects only on me . cousins and siblings also . I have only me at least im no longer in a play . mother daughter incest is happening i know it . i never could have believed it even 5 years ago
Jun 09, 2013
 Grandmother on granddaughter
by: Anonymous

Nearly two years ago I lost full custody of my children because I alleged they were sexually abused by their paternal grandmother. In the history of my country, no grandmother has ever been convicted of sexual abuse, there is not even a charge for it, besides incest.

I was told I was crazy, evil, toxic and poisonous. It's a long story and has been in court for over 7 years.

The children desperately want to spend more time with me and I am now reapplying to do so. Their father will consent only if I admit that I lied and made it all up.


I pray.
Sep 26, 2014
 Yes. Mothers sexually abuse daughters. It happened to me.
by: Anonymous

Yes. Mothers sexually abuse their daughters. My Mother, a narcissist with whom I've only gone No Contact 9 months ago sexually abused me. Because of her I respond sexually to abuse, am triggered by things such as talk of rectal thermometers or Vicks VapoRub rubbed on children's chests. I remember running screaming from the room when I watched the movie "Sybil" with my mother, about sexual abuse of a daughter by a mother. I worried that my Mother would get ideas from the movie. I remember as teenagers, when my younger sister, now dead by her own hand, said, "Remember when we were afraid that Mom would rape us?"
Nov 07, 2015
 The truth
by: Anonymous

Mother daughter incest is very real very misunderstood. My sister won't have much to with me; I was labeled crazy by my family but my memories are clear, not in any way imagined. My mother was really sick and very clever in the way she hid it from everyone. Miss popularity; no one could believe she was guilty. I confronted her once, in private, because I wanted to feel safe enough to have a child. She told everyone what a horrible thing her daughter accused her of and how it broke her heart and how messed up I was. It's too painful, she's dead, but I feel haunted by her memory, mixed in with all those good things she did that were also a cover up. She definitely molested me, psychologically abused me, and destroyed my ability to trust anyone. I have been disbelieved even by therapists, the abuse trivialized and have even been held accountable for her actions!
Sep 08, 2017
 Thank you
by: Anonymous

I am 50. It all makes sense now. And she has been dead for 30 years. Maybe now that i have read these comments, when i dont feel alone or crazy for wondering what i have for so long - maybe she will no longer haunt me - the mommy monster. I still dont have clear memories. But i do remember her obsession with what I thought was my bowel movements but she too loved that rectal thermometer. And water enemas when i was 3. And that is what makes it seem so "normal" - she was just concerned for my health. But connected to this are the feelings that there was more to it. I know there was. And we were completely enmeshed, completely. I will go and throw up now.
Dec 19, 2017
 Reemergence of feelings and panic
by: Steph

I have started having apparent unresolved issues surrounding my "mother-daughter" sexual abuse as a young child that continued into my teen years. I have dealt with these issues in therapy, forced to because as a canine handler during 9/11, I came back with lots of survivors guilt, nightmares etc. It would seem you can't carry a lot of undealt with sexual abuse as a child, it doesn't leave a lot of room for new issues from my time in NYC. Anyway I spent a good amount of time dealing with those issues and felt they were at rest functionally - not like they ever really go away. It would seem lately they have resurfaced, the panicked feelings that I get when I get a migraine, (as a child my mother fed me alcohol which caused hangovers for the purposes of causing me no memories of what she was doing)... The only thing in my life that has changed is the re-entrance of an adult who was in my life at that time, who wanted to help whatever I was going thu in my life, even tho I never shared). We have now visited the topic, but only superficially, but it seems those feelings are just as strong and raw as before... How do I manage this without reopening that while chapter in life?
Dec 26, 2017
 obsessed woman
by: Anonymous

My disabled daughter was manipulated by an obsessed woman into believing she had been sexually abused. I wonder if this woman herself was abused as a young girl and so wants some kind of closure herself, all I know is she has broken up a very loving relationship between a mother and daughter.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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