Mother Not Trustworthy

by Jodie-Lee
(UK)

When I was 5 my life changed altogether. On Christmas day I was so excited to open my presents and have dinner with my family, but it didn’t turn out how I was hoping for. My step dad told me to go play upstairs and sexual abused me, at that time I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t say anything to anyone and I don’t know why. I was sexually abused from the age of 5 years till I was about 12. Every time I was sleeping at my mums house something would happen to me every time, I remember watching TV with my mum and step dad and they was talking and my mum said to me that its time I learnt about sex education, then she dragged me into the bedroom and told me to put my pj bottoms on, which never happened, I was forced to do things I didn’t want to do, they ordered a takeaway and did horrible and unforgotten things with pieces of food. When I got a little bit older I remember laying on the bed with my step dad and my mum came back in the bedroom from the toilet and she saw I was crying and hit me to tell me to shut up. From that point I knew there was something going on. I was scared as she never has hit me before. When my step dad went I told my mum everything and she wasn’t bothered, she just said its part of life. A couple of days later my mum sexually abused me as well and they both threatened me saying if I ever tell anyone then they would kill me, I was so scared and I didn’t know what to do. When I was 12 I went home and I told my nannan everything and it had to go to court. I remember I had to go to this place all the time so someone could video me while I was talking about what happened. When it went to court I didn’t tell them what my mum did to me because I’m so scared of her. My mum said that she don’t believe anything that I say and that I am lying about everything, so she took my step dads side and left me. After this all my family didn’t want to know her as she disowned me. My step dad got locked up, and when I started in secondary school, I would miss school and use my school money to go help my mum at her flat as she has learning difficulties. I helped her without telling anyone as I was really scared. My sister founded out that I was going to my mums and she came down and banged on the door to get me out. After this I didn’t see my mum for a long time. A couple of years later I wanted to find my mum because I wanted answers. We started to get on really well until one day I went to meet her and she got really drunk and she asked these older men to take me home, from that point I knew she hasn’t changed. I was so upset I didn’t know what to do. After that I started to loose concentration, loose friends, everything. It was so bad I started to self-harm a lot of the time, I also tried to commit suicide a few times but luckily nothing happened. I have been seeing councillors all my life, and I still am today. I want people to know that there are people out there who can help no matter what.

There is a lot more to the story but there is too much to write down.

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