Mother Chose Abuser

by Kimberly
(Florida, USA)

In 1977 living in Florida, my abuser was my mother's second husband. She married him after only knowing him for two weeks. I was ten years old and was always looking for my mother's approval by cleaning the house and being a good kid. While she was at work, and my brothers were out playing, her husband took me into my bedroom and said he wanted to give me a special treat for cleaning my room so good. He sat on the edge of my bed and made me stand in front of him with my back to him, and told me to hold open my hands. He put his disgusting penis in my hand and told me to squeeze it. From that day on until I was 13 he would sexually abuse me every day at every opportunity. Taking me into his bedroom while no one else was home and making me perform sex acts on him and then he would sodomize me and perform oral sex on me. I would cry and close my eyes and wish I was dead to get away. He made sure to do all the laundry so my bloody clothes would not be discovered. My mother seemed oblivious to my change in moods and behavior but I think she knew what was happening, it was so obvious.

I started walking in my sleep trying to escape the abuse. I would tear at my pajamas, and cry while walking in my sleep. I was so mad that I had to take my clothes off for the abuser and couldn't fight back. I would scratch at the windows and beg for someone to let me out. My mother has a picture of me sleep walking and she saw the way I was reacting even in my sleep and pretended that she didn't know what was happening to me.

This sexual abuse continued until we moved to Ohio when I just turned thirteen. My grandmother lived in a nearby town and we went to visit her, the abuser stayed home. My grandmother asked me quietly what was wrong? She said she could see it in my eyes that I was hurting. So, I told her everything. My mother came into the room and listened and got very angry at me, but pretended to be mad at her husband and said she would shoot him when we got home. That didn't happen. I was sent to bed when we got home and I heard her questioning him in the kitchen. Of course, he denied everything and they argued for a while. The next day, I was terrified of what would happen to me next. Immediately the physical abuse started. I was slapped, kicked and beaten for the slightest wrongdoing, but my mother did nothing to help me. I couldn't understand why he was still there?! She did divorce him, but a few months later remarried him. She said it was for insurance reasons. What??

I ran away from home all the time to escape the abuse, staying at friends' houses and hitch hiking across the country. Anywhere was safer than home.