Comments for Is There a Monster-Sexual Child-Abuser-in Your House?

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Mar 25, 2014
 Catherine:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You bring up some excellent points. Some issues that all parents must be responsible for. And while agree with nine of the ten points, the last one I do take exception to. It assumes that all men are at risk of sexually abusing their daughters. This just isn't so. The vast majority of fathers are loving and appropriate with their daughters (and sons).

Number 9 also implies, perhaps inadvertently, two things. One, that only girls get sexually abused. Statistics show that 1 in 6 males are sexually abused before they turn 18. Studies are beginning to show that the number may well be equal to that of girls: 1 in 4. And two, that only males offend. The fact is, women can and do sexually abuse children. But the abuse is often hidden under the guise of what women are typically responsible for. Women are the caregivers, the ones who give birth, the ones with the primary role of feeding and nurturing. And society cannot wrap its collective mind around the possibility that the caregivers and nurturers are capable of such heinous acts. Sexual abuse at the hands of a mother tears at the fabric of who we are as a society. But mothers--women--are capable of such acts.

The answer lies in your last sentence; keeping the lines of communication open with your children. We must empower children. And that starts with teaching them they have the right to their own bodies. That no one has the right to lay a hand on them.

Thank you, Catherine, for sharing your perspective with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Mar 26, 2014
 Offended
by: Scot 1

Hello

Not to be rude, but this stereotypical attitude is exactly the barrier keeping assaults on males by females hidden under the carpet. Its an insult each time I read this one sided dogmatic view.

Simply replace each instance of male used in the above with female and you would be explaining the proper and appropriate safeguard attitudes to keeping kids safe from women. Replacing all instances of men in the above with women would have then protected me as a child. But because women aren't viewed as offenders they don't even get mentioned in the news. Try it, look up female pedophiles in news and see the results.

It insults boys molested and tortured by women. Its really sad that the same attitudes that allowed us boys to become "offended" by women, have remained unchanged and unchallenged for decades where as the paranoia toward men has reached a fever hysteria to the point all men are looked at with intense suspicion. Guilt until proven otherwise and preventative measure are where men live. Now add that to a man who was assaulted by the protected women and see how it stings. We are not mold under a rock.

Woman can be offenders to be treated with MORE suspicion then men because they have greater immunity, access, and opportunity and trust. Without question a woman is asked to watch over children.

From Darlene Barriere - Webmaster: And that is exactly why my comments reflect what they do, Scot 1.
Mar 27, 2014
 hmmm
by: Anonymous

you know the concern I have with this article is that it seems to me that it subtly sets the scene for someone other than the perpetrator to take the blame when something bad occurs.

This line in particular "This means that we have to take full responsibility for the following"

The perpetrator is the one who has to take full responsibility. Actually the more I think about it the less I like that phrase. Not only does the perpetrator have to take absolutely full responsibility but neither the child nor the parent should be even getting in that "full responsibility" mind set. I know that that mind set and wording are popular these days but I think it has lead to over protection of kids.

Perhaps we should actually make sure that we hug our kids and if something bad happens to them then make sure they know we will support them.

The next thing I think is that we should not use words like monster because as I understand it, in many cases the perpetrator is a friendly person. The next thing is that as I understand it the perpetrator is most likely to be someone known to and loved by the child. Setting them up as a "monster" in my view is unhelpful to both the child and the perpetrator.

To me they are weak, immoral, wrong and words like that.

Anyway those are my thoughts. Thanks for listening.
Feb 01, 2018
 mixed messages
by: Anonymous

I must say I am rather confused that an article that describes child sex abusers as 'Monsters' in its' title is allowed on this site. Having read most of the survivor stories, a feature of some is that abused children can go on to become abusers themselves. That being the case, how do you expect those survivors to feel when they find themselves described as 'Monsters' on a website that is supposed to be about being understanding, supportive and non-judgemental? The whole article screams of tabloid hysteria and lowers the tone here considerably.
Feb 02, 2018
 as I wrote above already
by: Anonymous

Catherine, I was messed with by a woman. How do you think this makes me feel that no mention of her is on here. And thanks to you, she will never be on here. As an educator you are supposed to be held to higher standards no ? Well my abuser was an educator, a teacher in elementary school. This post has been here a while and having it bumped to me with new comments it stings as bad as the first reading. Because of articles like this by educators(experts) its an insult to good men, which there are many. Now men cant even change a diaper, wipe a bum, hug or many other normal activities decent people do,without suspicion. How many men are afraid to father because of this way of thinking ? Yes thats right good men who are not biological fathers who raise another. Never leave them alone etc. Helicopter parenting is damaging and they need lives outside of their caregivers hold. Its life , its healthy its freedom to discover natural. This kind of thinking is what took that away generations ago. Sure I understand your point and the milk cartons reflected the truth of your suspicion. But dont throw out the good men with the filthy bath water. This society needs more good men. Too many single moms struggle to raise their kids because men arent manning up. Instead they are running out to lay with another. The good ones dont need this pressure, even from a partner. Not to mention these unfit mothers who themselves are the monsters with no man in the house. Who is protecting the children from women ?

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