I Wasn't Believed

by Haley
(Arkansas, USA)

I was molested by my "stepfather" when I was about 11 it went on till I was 14. My mom was never home during the events but my three brothers have been, but one is his son that only comes every other weekend.

It first started when I fractured my arm and I had just got done taking a shower. He asked if he could help me get dressed and I said yea. When he came in my room I was looking kind of weird because nothing like this had really happened, and he said "you don't have anything I haven't seen before". I had a towel on and he kind of moved it and dried of my breast I wasn't even really wet because I had already dried off but he wiped me off anyway and I felt really awkward he was staring at my breast. That's all I can really remember about that time.

Another time he called my name and he asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I didn't want to but I said yes anyway. He was always friendly with me like laughing and saying jokes, but he would start by trying to give me a massage. I felt so uncomfortable!! He'd ask me to take off my shirt I was so young and didn't really understand what was happening, I just took it off. Then he'd rub lotion on my back for about 5 minutes or so then he'd take off my bra and rub lotion on my breast all over. It was the most uncomfortable experience. He was always behind me on the bed with my back facing him. This went on several other times the same way except other times he would call me in there and, he had a shaving razor the electric kind. He'd ask me to take my pants off and every time he would ask if I was wearing panties. Of course I was. When I took my pants off he would shave my legs inappropriately. He'd have me on my stomach and the worst part of this was he'd have the razor around my private were hair grows. Thank god my panties were still on. This went on several times too.

I always wanted to say no when he asked me to watch tv with him but I was scared and I'm a shy person in general. There's been several times where I've woke up in the middle of the night and he was in my room staring at me. I kind of just closed my eyes after.

I'm only sixteen years old now almost 17 but I feel violated, gross, and I feel like I could have done something to prevent him touching me. Now that I'm older I understand what happened and what type of person he is. I tried exposing him just about a year ago. I told my counselor that I was molested by my "stepdad" because she asked and said "she could see it in my eyes". CPS came to our house the morning after. I was so nervous I could barely explain myself. My mom was completely shocked, my molester was at work. My mom didn't believe me. I guess CPS didn't either. So I still live in the place I like to call "hell hole".

I just feel so alone. I don't go to school because I get bullied. I have a horrible reputation and I pretty much just sit at home and play on my phone. It was hard writing this it just made me think about it more.