From All Sides

by Hazey
(Location Undisclosed)

This is a quick overview of my troubled upbringing covering sexual, physical and mental abuse as well as other traumatic experiences associated with them.

Age 5 - While in my bedroom I heard my father shouting, followed by my 3-year-old sister crying. My father carried her up the hallway by her arm and then hurled her across the room onto the bed her head mere inches from hitting the wall. I screamed at my father that she’s just a baby, that he could have killed her, and it wasn’t right. He just told me to shut my f***ing mouth, that I’m just a kid and what would I know... this is my first recollection of sticking up for my sisters.

Age 6 - I was molested by my grandmother’s neighbour as he conversed with my gran at the dinner table, without her even realising. It was only fondling, but even then I knew it was wrong, and so the next time he asked me or my younger sisters to sit on his lap, I ran to him not wanting it to happen to them. My father often warned us of things like that, but then usually added he would kill anyone that did, and so I kept quiet. I thought they’d blame themselves.

Age 9 - I hadn’t told a soul what happened, and it was getting to me. I broke down walking to school with my best friend and told her what happened, but she just laughed and said, "Ew how could you let an old man do that to you" and continued laughing as she walked off, leaving me in a sobbing mess in the dirt.

Age 10 - Constant memories of the abuse played on my mind and because I couldn’t remember much, I started worrying if I really had saved my sisters from it. I told them what happened to me and asked if anything like that happened to them, but they just looked at each other confused and said no, assuring me it hadn’t. I was unbelievably relieved, but then I couldn’t stop wondering why he picked me.

Age 10 CON’T - breaking down once again, I confided in my mother. She got the details then asked if I wanted to see a counselor, and did I want to tell my father. I couldn’t handle the thought of telling him, coz I was his baby girl, and so she agreed not to. We didn’t talk about it again until years later.

Age 13 - After another fight with my father and getting slapped around several times, my father sat me down and said he couldn’t handle it anymore and asked if I wanted him gone. Immediately I started crying and my mother and sisters rushed to the table looking terrified he would leave. I told him I only wanted him gone when he acted this way, but instantly my sisters screamed no and my mother exclaimed, "No! F**k her. She’s 13. She can f***ing leave, not you!"

Age 13 CON’T - My father, his work mate and myself were all drinking at our house when Dad went for a nap. My two younger sisters, Dad’s work mate and myself went down the creek to go swimming. Still drinking, the work mate started hugging me from behind, and soon asked my sisters to go up to the house to grab more alcohol. When they were out of sight, he started trying to shove his hands down my pants and up my shirt. I managed to slip out of his grip and said I was going to help with the drinks. I bolted across the paddock and got to the top steps when he threw a towel over my head and tried picking me up and dragging me backwards. I thrashed enough that he let go and I ran inside. I told my father I didn’t want him staying coz I didn’t trust him, but he just replied that he didn’t either and to stay away from him.

I stayed upstairs awake all night guarding my sisters’ door shaking at every noise I heard. The next day he was gone but he found my phone downstairs, sent himself a message so he had my number and then left a note on my bed that read, "I sent myself your number hope you don’t mind. I had a great time and I can’t wait to come back." I showed my parents the note with no explanation. They just said it was weird and told him not to come back.