Comments for Father Still Abusive

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Jan 29, 2016
 Kayla:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your instincts are right on. You do need to get away from your abusive father so that you can heal from the mistreatment. Don't expect your father to change. Chances are, he won't. And it's not at all unusual or uncommon for abusers to deny the abuse they inflicted. Their denial is calculated, and has the effect of the one victimized questioning their sanity. But you KNOW what he did to all of you. You KNOW he beat you all. And you KNOW he played on your sympathies and vulnerabilities and your youth. Apologizing to you after the abuse was part of the game he played, a game that left you even more emotionally distraught. The apologies acted as permission for him to keep doing what he was doing. It was all part of the cycle of violence he took each of you on, over and over again. You have little hope of healing while under his considerable influence. An influence instilled in you with the abuse he inflicted over all these years. Even though he's your father, you are experiencing similar traits to that of an abusive partner. You must get out.

Use the resources available to you within the community, both where you live and online. Try contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They have advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week who can provide crisis intervention, escape planning, information and referrals to victims or anyone calling on their behalf. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: http://www.ndvh.org/

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, Kayla. You can start that by treating your Self with love, dignity and respect. Call the number or contact them online.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Kayla. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 31, 2016
 My Father still abusing.....
by: Carol

Hi Kayla, I'm sorry you are in this situation but I can relate being afraid of my dad as he hit me and my siblings too, among other things. Those are hard times.

Sometimes when relationships can't be resolved while living together it is better to move. This is just a suggestion but here is what happened for me. By the time I was 16 I felt I needed to move out as soon as I finished school. I didn't feel I could deal with the oppression any longer. So at 17, without telling my dad, I found a small apartment and a part time job. I moved out when he was at work. He never talked to me about my moving out but I learned later that he had been quite angry. In his religion (or control system) he expected my sister and I to stay home till we married. I didn't know that and I'm glad I didn't know or I would have felt very guilty for going against his beliefs. After moving out I didn't go home for 3 months - I just couldn't stand being there and it made me feel sick. Over the next few years I tried to approach my dad to tell him how I felt about how he treated me, my siblings and animals. He said he could hurt who ever he wanted in his own house. His responses were "I hurt you because I love you." "Animals should cower, they should be afraid." "I hurt you to make you stronger." The more I stayed away from him the more I realized how much he had brainwashed us and really didn't know how to love us. My mom never let on that she disagreed with dad, only that it was her duty to support him regardless. I ended up in a mental health hospital several times as a result of my parents actions. It has taken many years to work through the aftermath of the abuse. I have no regrets for leaving when I did or becoming estranged from my parents. I didn't wish them harm and they've passed on without reconciliation. I believe they understand perfectly now as I do believe in the afterlife. I was able to remove my children from that situation and they saw how things were and learned to stand up to them, see through their actions later as adults.

I guess I would like you to know that you have options. You don't need to stay in an abusive relationship. If you learn how to deal with this relationship with your dad and understand that you deserve better and can expect to be respected, then you will less likely go into abusive relationships with men.

There are crisis lines you can call anonymously, see a therapist - check out your options. If need be move to another community where its easier to feel separate from him. I hope you post how things are going for you. Take care.

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