Child Abuse Victims and Intimate Relationships

by Richard
(Florida, USA)

Child Abuse Victims and the Ones Who Love Them as Adults: 
I found this site as I researched the effects of childhood sex abuse when they become adults. I have been involved with a woman (I'll call her Kay) for some time now. She was sexually abused by her stepfather from 12 to about 14 years in age. Kay is now 45. The man was finally discovered and Kay's mom did nothing except put him out. They reconciled and he was allowed back into the home, where he abused her again for a short time. She has 2 sisters who were also abused by this sicko. Both are very dysfunctional, both are addicts.

Kay left the home as soon as she was 18, went to college, moved to Florida, and she is passionate about her health (almost weird about it). I love this woman and see such wonderful qualities in her. She has such problems with intimate relationships. She left her kids with her ex-husband then they were around 7 and 9. As older teenagers, they really do not want to stay with her or do things with her. The boy refuses to stay over at her house at all. She does all she can now to make up for lost time, but it is very strained between them. She has had no successful close relationships with anyone that I know of. All of her relationships seem to be strained and full of drama.

Kay has had many emotionally unsatisfying relationships. In her younger years she was more sexually active that I care to reflect on. Although I love her very much and treat her with warmth, love and friendship she seems to be always pulling away. She says she loves me so much, but I can sense something missing, and it feels wrong. We have gone to a lot of counseling, and just when I thought we might be on to something, she announced that she was really too busy and really could not go further.

I teach emotionally disabled kids and know that sometimes all is takes is one person reaching out to make another want to save themselves. An you suggest any books on the topic?

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