Comments for Child Abuse Story From Zoralee

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Feb 28, 2013
 Zoralee:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The guilt and shame you have about what your father did to you is not yours to bear. You said "you let him" rape you; nothing could be further from the truth. Here you are, SO many decades later, still believing that lie. Still believing that somehow you could have stopped him, believing that you had power and control. The reality is that your father had all the power. He took advantage of your youth and your vulnerabilities, and used them against you. To live in continued self-loathing is to deny the love of Who You Really Are. And Who You Really Are is LOVE. And even though you've lost touch with that LOVE, it's never too late to reconnect with it. Measure not the successes and failures of your life, but rather, recognize the LOVE within your Self that is truly boundless. You ARE loved; whether you see it or not, that is the absolute truth. I send you love, light and healing energy, Zoralee. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Mar 01, 2013
 Child Abuse Do Happen It Is A Shame
by: Charlene T

Hi there I can understand that child abuse do happen to innocent, when I say your story I really agree that people like yourself telling the world the truth and I do believe and you did not deserve that at all, and it is not your fault at all, and it is not your doing, these are the people that you trusted with your life and what happened to you that was very wrong and that was not fair to you, and that was not fair to your sisters either so I hope you can get the guilt away you don't have to blame yourself for what they did to you, and your sisters and please take care of yourself and thank you for telling us your story
Love and Peace.
Mar 01, 2013
 u touched my heart
by: nobody at all

zoralee - i feel so sorry and sad about your long lifetime of self-hate, which, if u hadn't been so horribly abused when u were such a young and tender age, u would know is based completely on LIES foisted on you by your parents. plain and simple, that's all it is. they ruined your God-given chances at a normal, good life. they "got" you long b4 u ever had a chance at beginning a healthy, good life which is the natural birthright of us all, and which some people, myself not included, enjoy without even realizing they were "lucky" enough 2 not have had it snatched away from them. i admire your posting here even in your 90s. the healthy part of u that they couldn't totally destroy, that cares about herself, wrote your post. no small accomplishment, 2 finally tell your story, complete with the real, negative feelings you still carry. your very honest post touched me - i'm no spring chicken myself - and i wish God's blessings 4u, starting right now. none of it was/is your fault, in my opinion, including your lifetime of anger which has driven people away. i carry a lot of rage myself and understand how it can color one's whole life, 4 a lifetime. it's still not 2 late 2 get the wonderful help available thru counseling. i think medicaid or medicare would cover some amount of therapy, and any amount can b beneficial. best wishes 2u!
Mar 02, 2013
 Zoralee,
by: AnonymousT

I am impressed you found your way here I only know one other 90 yr old who uses the internet! :)

Zoralee, when we are hurt, it's so natural we have hate inside us and growing up when you did no one talked about the pain and there were no resources. I'm sorry your children knew your anger, I'm sorry they had to step away from you. But today is a new day.

Please find it inside yourself to forgive yourself, so you can have peace. You were raising children in a time when women were expected to be rocks. Work, clean, cook, child-rear...and be quiet about your past. You are simply a victim of your time and that's not your fault.

Nor is it your fault that your father abused you.

It's commendable that you own your behavior when you were parenting...and you can do what you feel is necessary, write to your kids, call them, or just write things down privately for yourself.

Please know you were not at fault for your fathers abuse. PLease know you DESERVE to forgive yourself for mistakes you made.

Many hugs to you.
T
Mar 03, 2013
 anonymoust is right...
by: nobody at all

yes, that last poster said some things i couldn't put into words in my last post. that hate is the normal natural result of being hurt, as natural as night following day. i have a storehouse of rage from 50+ yrs. ago which i'm working on. EVERY time something hurtful was done 2 me as a child, it added 2 my reservoir of anger and hatred. this feels completely natural, but i took it 2 far, as many trauma survivors do, and was never able 2 let go of it once the traumas had stopped happening 2 me. the anger felt like my only strength, and like it provided safety from further abuse. it probably DID, but after awhile, esp. with the help of a good therapist, i'm learning 2 let go of it bit by bit because i don't need it anymore and so it's only hurting ME further 2 keep holding onto it. i don't forgive nor forget my abusers and maybe never will, but i've spent a lifetime projecting all my anger onto other people as an adult, where it's not doing any good because it's directed at the wrong targets, altho people in adulthood may FEEL like they're making u mad themselves - they might very well be doing so, a mean boss or an exasperating child or whoever, but once u connect the huge reservoir of rage from childhood 2 its sources, very deeply, - and in your case u know where your rage comes from, but i suspect u haven't felt it fully and deeply and directly connected 2 your parents, ESP. father who sexually abused u, the worst kind of abuse as far as producing tons of rage - once u connect it thoroughly 2 its real source, healing can begin.

as the last poster said, it's very commendable and brave of u 2 own your acting-out of your rage as an adult. u r one in maybe a thousand as far as this goes! i've found it very helpful and liberating in therapy every time i own anything in this way. truth, truth, and more truth is what sets us free. both the truth of how we've acted out and the truth of what was done 2 us - both work 2 unravel the knot of lies and misery inside.

also - while i agree with anonymoust that u were a victim of your times, u ALSO r a victim of child sex abuse and incest - many people of your time didn't have THIS hideous burden 2 contend with. so u r extra commendable because of this. i hope u continue on your healing journey which, altho u may not realize it, began when u posted your story, when u set free your 1st statement about YOUR TRUTH.
Mar 17, 2013
 So sorry... :-(
by: Anonymous

Dear Zoralee. I understand. For some reasons, I seem unable to 'forgive' myself too, and I see you also cannot do this. When I read other people's stories though, I found them horrifying and I have compassion to no end for the victim. It's another horrible effect of the abuse - that we feel so much shame, it turns to guilt even though we are not guilty. You have suffered so much trauma. Sending you many hugs, from everyone you feel you lost. There is goodness in you, and no matter what, other people know it too.
Apr 28, 2013
 I'm so sorry!
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry about what happened to you! It made me cry so badly and I'm still crying right now while typing this. Just know that none of that is your fault and it never was. Your father was terrible to have done that to you and I'm really sorry about your childhood. I hope you find all the happiness in your life very soon. You deserve to be happy! Leave the past in the past, chin up x

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