Comments for Child Abuse Story From Zach C

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Oct 18, 2010
 Zach:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If you don't tell someone what is really going on, nothing will change. He may be going away soon, but he will be back and you will not be safe. You are worthy of being kept safe. Please contact one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. They can help you with your options. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Oct 19, 2010
 Hi Zach-
by: Anonymous

You're really brave to tell your story. I agree telling is important, for two reasons. First, he could hurt people in the future, like his own children. And two, college is new & scary. If he doesn't acclimate well, what if he takes his aggression out on you during holiday breaks? Telling is for your own protection & healing too.

I think sexual abuse is something that is not understood widely enough that parents would automatically know what was going on. Even if they're the most understanding parents ever this is a hard to know how to deal situation...so maybe go to a school counselor/friends parent/granparent first.

Also - I'm assuming something happened to your brother that he started abusing you so young - he was acting out as a child, your parents seeing these signs could have stopped him. Then he got away with it, it fulfilled the pain he felt & it he became a full blown adult abuser. He's not innocent in this - he CHOSE to abuse.

Can you sleep on the couch? Can you go to a friends? Your parents need to know you're serious. You NEED to see a counselor, they can help us best to deal with our anger & hurt.

Best wishes to you & lots of luck. Your courage surpasses so many other victims. It's time to really show you're a survivor. You can do it Zach.
Oct 19, 2010
 Get Help: NOW: Get your life together: Become strong:
by: maurice

Zach C: you'll be a winner over that weakling of a brother: He is a coward: if he tried what he's done on you with another your age he would be in serious trouble: He knows he can get away with it with you with all his threats: Don't you Quit: He has not ruined your life: You are a very intelligent teenager in your own right: I'M SPECIAL: You, seem not to have Parent's who love and cherish their children equally: They don't listen or trust you when you are telling them the truth: Sending you away for a bonding week-end was absolutely into your Brothers lap: He had you on his own: How foolish of your parents: Enabler's of your older brother: He knows what has done and is doing to you is not natural or right: Before he goes to College: You know his address: You write to him what you have written here on Darlene's safe place to begin expressing your true feelings: If you have a friend or two or even a teacher or school counsellor to talk it over with: Your Parent's might be more understanding of you when you are alone with them: Again speaking with a counsellor will put alot in perspective for you: You: stop putting yourself down: that won't do any good: begin to slowly having a healthy mind in a healthy body: This may mean changeing your daily and school routine: Begin to take part in the physical eduacation programme in your school: Join in on team sports with your class mates: You are gifted: You are tallented: So share your gifted ness with likeminded friends and class-mates: You'll come into your own as soon as your brotehr moves on: He'll be in and out of your life evn then. Be brave: Be strong: have the courage to carry out Darlene's loving and encourageing words specially for you: There's is greatness and good ness in you Zack C: Live well: Laugh alot: Love much: beginning by always believeing in yourself: I will: I can: I must let this be your motto: Why?? ZACK C because I'm WORTH it: what am I??? I'M SPECIAL AND I'M WORTH IT: I love Me; I say that alot to myself and I am 64 years of age: Build up your own self worth and self esteem Zack C: Motto I will etc:
Oct 19, 2010
 Abuser/Abused
by: Anonymous

Reading between the lines i get this feeling that all is not what it seems, I think you love your brother very much and want to get this sorted out just for your own sanity, you need to speak to him and ask him why when you loved him so much that he would want you to have oral sex with him, or anything else he did to you, be tearful make him feel bad tell him that you can get through this, be strong even put your arm round him, try and make him emotional if you can, i now this sounds crazy, and if you see any signs of remorse, jump in and open that big can of worms and ask him if your dad abused him, because it was abuse in its self to let you go on your own with your brother. your brother in a way was abused to, the fact that your parents might of known what was going on, and they then give him matches to light the fire.
The world to day is not always a safe place to grow up in you hear terrible stories of abuse to children, but sometimes i think we are our own worse enemy's for example take Spain not a third world country but as late as 1997 the legal consensual age of permitted sex was 12, and it is only 13 now. I am not saying your father is a pervert just that when you have more pieces. of the jigsaw the easier you will be able to see the picture. God bless

From Darlene - Webmaster: While I agree that your brother has more than likely been abused himself as a child, I DO NOT recommend you follow the above advice. Anonymous, I realize you're trying to be helpful, but what your suggesting is very dangerous. Zach, your abuser (your brother) still has all the power. He's already misused that power over and over, especially when you tried to get him to stop once before and ended up being beaten for it. DO NOT put yourself in a situation that can bring on further harm. You need adult help with this. Please talk to someone who can help you.


From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Oct 20, 2010
 sexual abuse
by: Anonymous

to Zach

I know it may seem difficult, what i sugest is using this opportunity of your brothers absence to have a talk with your parents ask for them to sit down, if your parents are too busy at the time ask to see them another time but make sure you say that it's seriouse, you may feel embarassed and not knowing were to start, if this is true then you may want to start with something like my brother has been hurting me. If you feel your parents do not give you a chance to explain then ask to finish what you want to say. Your parents should listen to you and support you, you are not alone and you have the right for support you should not have to put up with this nor should you have to suffer physical abuse if you say that he is also assalting you then you will not have to share the same room. This is difficult to share and you have been very corages to share this i was sexually abused by my older brother and he was abused by somebody else whether somebody is abused or not it does not give a reason or excuse for the abuse to be carried on.
Oct 21, 2010
 Stop slamming my parents.
by: Zach C

It's my brother's fault, not theirs. My dad's NOT a pervert. it's impossible for a parent to see every goddamn thing that goes on in their house.

From Darlene - Webmaster: Zach, I can appreciate your anger over this issue. You love your parents, and you want to protect them. But you have to understand that there will come a time—maybe not now, but at some point in the future, especially if you decide to have children of your own—when you'll realize that there WERE signs, signs that were clear, signs that your parents missed. It doesn't necessarily make them responsible for what happened to you, but because they ignored the signs, they have to share in the responsibility. It's not "slamming" them to point that out, Zach, because it's a parent's job to keep their children safe from harm. This is something you'll come to understand as you mature and go through various ages and stages of your life. Please consider some form of counseling to help you deal with all of this.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Oct 21, 2010
 Anonymous #1 again...
by: Anonymous

I was the 1st Anonymous, didn't want to confuse anyone.

Zach - it IS your brothers fault, you're correct.

Have you ever heard, "When you know better, you do better." ?
Your parents didn't know...but if they did - they would have done better. They tried (that horrid camping idea) but they didn't know enough to do right.

There are parents who turn a blind eye. There are parents who were abused themselves so it's difficult to see when boundaries are crossed...simply because they were crossed for them as well. There are parents who know, but are not educated and still make poor choices.

The point is, no matter who's fault it is, it's NOT yours. So to work to heal and get to a safe place in mind, body & spirit...you need to tell someone. If it scares you...WRITE it & pass it along. Print out this entry...tell someone who can make a difference. Just tell.
It's scary & daunting...but damn, you got this far - don't stop now. You have courage & strength you haven't even tapped into yet. It's there, embrace it!
Oct 21, 2010
 don't keep it in
by: Tim L.

Zach, If your parents were to find out, and they are good people like you say, I'm sure they won't excuse themselves so easily--they will realize they have a share in what happened; of course none of us can know exact details of that.

I want to add voice to the posts above that ask you to tell someone. Darlene is correct that even once he goes to college, he will presumably still be back for holidays and vacations and be with you in that room again. Darlene is also correct that he has all the power right now--and he may have no intention of stopping with his severe invasion of your body and your boundaries, even after he and you are out of college.

Meanwhile, even if he does become gracious, the issue won't go away for you. Trying to ignore what happened to you and forget about it won't work--it will ruin your health and keep your life in the state it is now. You have to bring it out and deal with it someday, so the sooner the better, I think (and I say that as someone in his late twenties now who has been there.) You shouldn't have to suffer under him for a single night, let alone another year or longer.
Nov 20, 2010
 Be strong
by: Leslie Lieva

I know exactly how u feel my father touched me for several years n then left, n now i had to stay back n pick up the pieces from my broken heart. and actually understand that it wasnt my fult, hopefully u know that it wasnt ur fault. is hard when someone thats suppose to protect u doesnt. instead harms you...but i encpurage u to tell or look for profetional help cuz thats theonly way u'll heal...im so sorry is heart breakin for me to hear this things...one thing that helped me a lot is to know that we r not alone...ur not alone!! i'm here. many kids like us have gone through the same path we did. be strong!!

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