Comments for Child Abuse Story From Tanya

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May 26, 2008
 Your grandfather no longer has the power...the power is now YOURS!
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Tanya, I want to first address your comment: "... for a while I let him do what he wanted to..." You did not LET your grandfather DO anything! HE did it all. HE was the one with all the power. HE took advantage of your trust and your youth and your vulnerabilities. HE stole your innocence in childhood. I suggest you read my article on this site titled Child Abuse: Dispelling 6 Myths About Self Blame. But, Tanya, the man who was supposed to be a loving, nurturing supportive influence in your life, the man who took so much away from you, no longer has power over you, unless you give it up to him. He cannot wreck the rest of your life, unless you allow that to happen. Right now you are taking healthy steps to ensure that does not happen.

Your mother was a child herself, but regardless, she was your mother. Her job was to protect you, especially from the man she knew from personal experience was a child molester; that must have felt so betraying. She neglected you instead of keeping you safe from harm. Her neglect and betrayal left you in a tailspin of self-destructive behaviours as a teen. You are now both in counselling, together and separately, so together the two of you can begin the process of healing.

I am appalled at how long it took for your mother to move you out of your grandparents' home. I question whether or not the environment there was a healthy one, even if your grandfather was no longer in the house. I can't imagine the emotional turmoil in the house (I take it your grandmother was still around) when your grandfather was being tried for child abuse. Your mother needs to learn how to make better choices. I hope for her sake that counselling helps her with this.

You, Tanya, are an amazing young woman. You have triumphed over sexual abuse, drug abuse, promiscuity, and a host of other detrimental and injurious behaviours. You realized at such a young age that you needed help, and you weren't afraid to get that help. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back. I commend and applaud you! I also wish you and your mother all the best along your road toward healing and recovery. You're both worth it.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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