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Feb 11, 2012
 To Survivor:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You're the second visitor today to whom I'm addressing the issue of self-deprecation. You were not "too stupid" for not questioning what he did; you were a vulnerable innocent child. You are blaming your Self for something you have no blame in. Blame, shame and guilt are squarely on HIS shoulders because he chose to sexually abuse you. He knew what he was doing was wrong, yet he did it anyway. He knew you (and his other victims) were easily manipulated and groomed, which is why he got away with it for so long. Don't ever take the blame because none of what happened was your fault. None of it. You were so courageous to disclose and same with the others he sexually abused. I'm delighted he was convicted. And now it's time for you to deal with the anger, hostility and hatred, because if you don't it will consume you and adversely affect every aspect of your life going forward. If you aren't already in counselling or therapy, please consider seeking it out. It's the most loving thing you can do for your Self. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I send you love, light and healing energy.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 12, 2012
 Survivor
by: Anonymous

I commend you for speaking out. The first thing that a "victim" does is blame them self. The shame and embarrassment of what others would think is overwhelming. But you were a CHILD!!! He was the adult. I hope that you find peace and happiness in your life and most important, to be able to like and love yourself.

Best Regards

Survivor also...
Feb 14, 2012
 your a awesome person
by: Anonymous

god bless you and thank you for sharing your story. i have meet a fourteen year old girl who is being sexually molested by he real father, he is emotionally abusing her as well as physically beating her. I am a servivor myself but i don't know how to get her to turn her dad in. She says she couldn't live with herself if she did that to him. I understand what she is saying. This man is scary he hates women and raped her mother on their honeymoon.
Feb 15, 2012
 re: to your an awesome person
by: Survivor

I understand how she is feeling I couldn't even tell anyone what had happened when I was 14, let alone turn my step grandfather in to the police. Even at 22 I found it extremely difficult to do for I still 'loved' him and it increased my guilt and shame. But I had a lot of support from friends and family, and the mother of my cousin ( who was also one of his targets) was for lack of a better word forceful( in a mostly good) way. She rang the police and found the direct line to the officer who would take our case. She then provided us with all information about the process and requirements for making a report. She left us with the decision to make the call and the timing as well. During the whole process she would make contact via phone (as she lives on the other side of the country) at least weekly to check on me and give me the opportunity to discuss how I was feeling.

Beyond that there isn't much else you can do to convince her to make the report. Though I must say for over 3 yrs I didn't believe reporting him was the right thing to do and the blame I placed on myself increased dramatically especially when he was jailed. I now can say I beginning to believe it more each day.

Just make sure she is safe now, try to get her into counselling to talk about how she is feeling and help her to begin deal with any issues she has with her experience.

If she is not safe and at 14 he is currently abusing her I would talk to her and explain you are worried about her safety, worried that he might go to far one day and even put the police report in yourself as an outcry witness. But make sure you tell her you are contemplating putting in a report so she doesn't feel like you have betrayed her.

Survivor

Hope this helps

From Darlene - Webmaster: If this is in Canada, anyone who is suspicious or knows of child abuse is legally obligated to report it. It's not a matter of betrayal, it's a matter of keeping the child/adolescent safe. That is and must always be the priority.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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