Comments for Child Abuse Story From Rich

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Nov 23, 2010
 Rich:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Writing your story here IS step 2. Step 1 was admitting that what happened to you as a child affected you in ways you could not predict, ways that reached into every aspect of your being, ways that have been lifelong and life-altering. But that doesn't have to be the legacy. The next step is getting yourself professional help to deal with the repercussions of not only the sexual abuse, but also of the betrayal and abandonment of your mother. I'm speaking on a psychological level here, Rich. It seems the theme of the stories I've posted this morning is in dealing with the pain of abuse. I'll repeat here what I've written to 2 other visitors: The pain of abuse cannot be circumvented; the only way to overcome the pain of abuse is through it. The right therapist/counselor can help you with that. And you can learn to trust again. But trust always comes with risk. Just know you ARE strong enough to deal with that risk; you've proven that by surviving the worst of things already. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Nov 27, 2010
 STEP BY STEP
by: Helen Louise

Dear Rich,

I feel you pain but at the same time want to congratulate you because you have decided that you are worth getting some recovery, to establish trust, to learn to love and to be loved.

I had to make those first steps, too, and you need to know that you are at the beginning of a wonderful and terrible trip, but one that leads to a freedom that you could not now imagine.

Get professional help if you can. You can rage and scream and say everything that you ever kept yourself from saying to your mom and to your abuser in a safe place. Grieving is part of the process so don't be afraid to cry. The tears wash poisons from your system. There are x number of tears in you over this and you cry them until you are done.

You sound so strong. When you are done, you will be even stronger and have so much more joy in your life.

Bless you.
Nov 28, 2010
 If only our abuser knew all these years later the wrong in it
by: maurice

Rich: Great you found Darlene's site: Let it be a new beginning for you: If that beast and sicko of a cousin only knew he ruined your life so badly he'd have the courage to give himself into the Authorities: Alas you know that he was helped by your mother to stay alive: While you were living in fear of this beast she kept him alive: The mother who should have been loving and cherishing you was oblivious to the reality for you that you were being raped and being cruelly molested: You are one very strong minded Man Rich: surviving a break up of your one relationship and now the 2nd: Don't Quit: Don't give up on yourself: You owe it to yourself that there is a life to be lived after being so abused and molested by an Animal of a man: not an ounce of humanity in his twisted mind from drugs/alcohol etc: Rich: Darlene sure hhas given you the means to change directions in your life: You are at a Y junction on your road of life: Read Darlene's loving comment: affirming comment: the help you need to receieve: RIGHT NOW: don't put it off any longer: A good counsellor/therapist will put alot of what you shared with Darlene and her Visitors into perspective: I hope and I am almost certain one of the 3 people that know will help you be strong and to get the right sort of help NOW: Rich I cam empatise with you, your pain is deep and real especially when you think back of what that beast did to your penis at such an innocent age: For me it does not bear thinking about it is so cruel: He sure was a sicko: You were the sufferer and you still are: Take Darlen's comment to your heart and be sure to act on it: Be brave: Be strong and persevere at getting true peace of mind for yourself: your life is most important right NOW: The other's around you will get on with living their lives so you get on with living yours to the full: I WILL: I CAN: I MUST: BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: Believe that Rich:
Nov 30, 2010
 Thank You Darlene, Helen, & Maurice!!!!
by: Rich

Wow, I never anticipated such nice and supportive comments as a result of my story. I am completely overwhelmed from everyone's kind words, advice, and encouragement. My intentions were to just post my story only for the sake of getting it "out there and off my chest" with no expectation whatsoever of any comments in return... What an absolute surprise and blessing you ALL are to me!!! Words cannot express my gratitude to you Darlene for giving me the first outlet I've ever had to discuss some of the very personal things that have happened in my life in such a non-threatening and open way. I have read the comments from yourself, Helen, and Maurice over and over again until I can almost quote them word for word. These kind words from you all have brought me to tears - not sad tears, but joyful tears from knowing that there are people here that I don't even know (and don't know me) that genuinely care and understand my plight. Your website and visitors are a "God-Send" to those of us who are struggling to process the wide range effects of childhood abuse and the steps necessary to overcome these challenges. One common theme from these comments are that I am a "strong" person. Although I have heard that many times in my life, I dont feel that I am so strong... There are many times over the years that if it were not for my children, I dont think I could have gone on - but I keep perservering. I cant describe my life as happy, but one that I just endure. I do intend to seek the professional help everyone has encouraged me to get soon. It's not very difficult to post my feelings on this site because it still offers a degree of impersonal conversation - on the other hand, I realize that I have to come up with the strength (from somewhere) to get to the point that I can discuss these things one on one with a professional. I learned at an early age to be an independent and self sufficient person. I learned to not ask for help with anything - even when I knew I needed it. I realize now that this is larger than me or my ability to work thru on my own. I selfishly ask for your prayers as I begin to take the steps necessary to get my life back....

Thank you all, again!! For the first time in my life, I am encouraged. You mean more to me than you will ever know..........
Nov 30, 2010
 Rich:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank YOU for taking the time to write and share how our comments have been so helpful to you. I'm delighted my site and the concept of it has been instrumental in getting you to at least consider what you've never before considered. I do understand the anonymity feature of being able to write through a website like mine, and how much different it is to actually speak to someone about what happened to you face to face; I've done it myself. It takes courage to face your fears, but like I stated already, you have already survived the absolute worst of it. Go into therapy/counseling understanding that and let the process work. It will be grueling, but oh so worth it! Believe me when I say that, and stick with it. You're too worthy not to.


From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Dec 27, 2010
 To Rich On The Other Side Of The World...
by: S

Although I do not think I have been abused myself, I visit this site regularly and am fascinated by the stories I read. I don?t comment often because at times I am left with complex thoughts I don?t really know how to communicate, but I wanted to say something simple so I guess here goes:

Low self esteem and lack of trust are very hard things to deal with. I am quite sad and I have no friends, but I think your story helped me because it shows that it is possible to face up to things and to make a start to change what is wrong with you. People tend to find me indifferent and dismissive, when inside I am very emotional. It hurts me very much that people feel this way.

Know that you are not in pain alone.
Dec 28, 2010
 Always believe in yourself: You'll be the winner over your abusers
by: maurice

Rich: thank you: You are a winner already with your heartfelt thanks to all you wrote a comment from their hearts to you in support of how bnravea and courageous you were to tell it on Darlene's safe haven site: New Beginnings for you and indeed for us all who crossed path's with this great visionary and woman: Our relationship lady who sure loves each one personally who comes and visits her site: Her comment back to you is the woman's heart we've all come to know: Rich I sure hope 2011 will bring you happiness: good health: LOVE and understanding: New Beginnings: Counsellinmg and therapy will go along way in helping you to let go and live your life to the full: Hopefully (S) who left the last comment will Alwyas believe in herself and get the love and the strength to express her true self to real friends who will LOVE and Understand her better:
Jan 10, 2011
 I'm Doing It!!!! My Letter Part 1
by: Rich

The purpose of me putting this very personal information in writing is first; to help me reconcile and understand my thoughts by putting them on paper for my own clarity, and second; to assist me in a search to find the ?right? counselor that can help me come to terms with and learn to work through or deal with the following issues I have been & am facing in my life: 1) the effects of traumatic life events that I have chosen to repress throughout my childhood and my adult life, 2) the negative and destructive perception that I have of myself personally as a result of privately carrying the burdens of these events, and, 3) to correct disparaging personality traits which impede my ability to enjoy healthy and nurturing adult relationships, even with my own family and close friends. Because I know that I will have a difficult time in expressing myself initially in a one on one environment, my efforts to provide these thoughts and feelings will hopefully offer some insight to help facilitate future meetings with the ?right? counselor.

It is important for me to emphasize that I am NOT providing this information in an attempt to blame someone else or blame everyone that has ever wronged me for the things that have gone bad in my life, but only to give insight as to the events that have shaped me into the person I am today both positive and negative. For years, I honestly thought that I was just fine and could ?just deal with? everything on my own. I now realize that I am not just fine and I never ?just dealt with? those issues. My inability to allow people to get close to me or even to care about me has cost me and those I care about dearly on many levels. It has been through the encouragement of others that has gotten me to the point that I am now ready for positive changes in my life.
Jan 10, 2011
 My Letter Part 2
by: Rich

My Story,
I am a 42 year old Christian man, married for 12 years with two beautiful children ? a daughter age ten and a son age five. For 35 years, I have been secretly carrying the burden of horrible sexual abuse experiences that occurred to me for 3 years as a child from ages 6 to 9. I also experienced severe physical and emotional abuse from my earliest memories until age 14 or 15 at which time I was big enough / strong enough to stop it on my own (at least the physical abuse). I don?t suppose it is as necessary at this point to provide the details of these experiences as it is important just to admit that what happened to me as a child affected me in lifelong and life-altering ways that I could never have predicted. It is not in my makeup to openly accept the ?victim? label and I refuse to accept this label today, but I am admitting the repercussions of these experiences have reached into every aspect of my life ? even as an adult:

1) For my entire life, I have made every effort possible hide my childhood experiences from everyone around me in an effort to keep it all secret. The guilt and shame that I feel as a result of my experiences tends to be overwhelming at times. I feel as though everyone around me is better and stronger emotionally than I am ? as if they are all ?less damaged? than myself. I find myself constantly living in the past despite my best efforts to live for today. I have a difficult time loosening up and enjoying my life or seeing the humor in life. I feel as though I am ?way too serious? or ?wound up tightly? all of the time (terms that I have heard repeatedly from family and friends). To just relax for me is very difficult as if I have to be extremely vigilant in all that I do ? constantly going, going, going task after task in order to accomplish all that I can. I feel as though I have no peace and I find myself regularly fighting feelings of hopelessness in myself, in situations, and in life ? as if I can?t enjoy ?good times? because I am always waiting for the other shoe of reality to drop.
Jan 10, 2011
 My Letter Part 3
by: Rich

2) For the first 20 years of my life, I was told repeatedly and treated for the most part as though I was worthless. Although I know in my heart that this is not true, I have always felt as though I had to over achieve and to over-do for those around me in an effort to gain acceptance from others. I have very low self esteem and a poor view of myself although I know inside that I am a good person ? willing to do anything for anyone at any time, very trustworthy, punctual, dependable, and eager to please anyone that will offer acceptance. I tend to place everyone else?s needs ahead of my own even to the point of my own frustration in knowing the whole time that I am doing this. It makes me feel selfish to even acknowledge that I too have needs or certainly if I should even consider putting my needs ahead of someone else?s. I consistently allow people to take advantage of me and run all over me without standing up for myself. It is very rare for me to tell someone what I am thinking or how I feel. I tend to avoid confrontation at all costs when it involves issues regarding me however I am more than willing to stand up for someone who I do not know or who can?t stand up for themselves. Despite what some may think, I do care what others think about me ? it is almost as if I think of myself as those around me think of me ? I base my own self worth on the way others view or treat me. At times, I don?t think that I even like myself very much; I feel unworthy of the relationships I have or of the things that I have. I am very thankful for everything in my life but I can?t help but feel undeserving of it all.
Jan 10, 2011
 My Letter Part 4
by: Rich

3) I tend to be very suspicious and distrustful of people as well as their motives. I can build a wall between myself and someone else faster than anyone could ever imagine ? especially if I feel as though someone is getting too close to me. I honestly don?t think that I know how to let someone love me or to even recognize the show of love to me from others. For most of my life, the only person that I knew that I could trust was me, so as a natural defense to becoming vulnerable or a way of protecting myself from getting hurt, I keep building these walls between myself and others. I am guilty of this even with my own wife of 12 years. For the past few years, my wife and I have had a few difficult times in our marriage. Rather than working through the difficulties with her, I just stopped communicating all together and ?closed up? on her emotionally. Over time, my wife got tired of running head first into the walls that I had built between us and went outside our marriage to have her needs met. Despite what has occurred our marriage is NOT over. We are both working very hard now at rebuilding our marriage and correcting the wrongs that led to this infidelity. I realize and admit to the mistakes that I?ve made as a husband and to be honest, I wouldn?t have blamed her if she left me for good ? in fact if I could, I would probably have left me too. One of the most difficult problems we are facing in rebuilding our marriage is to reestablish the trust that has been lost understanding that I already have trust issues anyway.

It has been through a lot of recent soul searching in efforts to save my marriage that I am beginning to understand more about the root causes of who I am as a person, both good and bad. It has been a long time coming but I am now ready to address / correct lifelong issues that I have been carrying since I was a child. I am ready to change the direction of my life and I am no longer willing to let my circumstances define who I am as a person, nor the view that I have of myself. I believe that this will be a wonderful (and terrible) trip but one that will lead to a freedom that I can not now imagine.

Again, I have provided this information in an effort to help me narrow the search to find the ?right? counselor for me and the issues that I have described. Since I have never searched for a counselor before, I am not familiar with this intimidating process. This search is not something that I am willing to do in a trial and error manner or even ?test drives? as one would do when purchasing a new car. I humbly ask that if you do not feel as though your expertise correlates to the issues I have described, I trust that you will advise me of that and redirect my efforts to others.
Jan 12, 2011
 Rich:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm not in a position to help you find a good counselor, much as I would like to. Not all counselors or therapists are created equally. It is up to each of us to interview and make an informed decision. What I will say is that trust is number one. If you don't trust the person in front of you who is your counselor, it will never work. Also, you said that if you could you would have left yourself too. Guess what...you did. Read and re-read all four parts and you'll see that for yourself. But what you will also see is how truly ready to you now are to the process. congratulations, Rich...you are now on the road toward healing and recovery. Keep up the great work!

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 13, 2011
 ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:
by: maurice

Briefly: Thank You: I received from reading your letters great re-assuring: Great honesty in the truth you were writing from your heart: It gave me greater belief in The gretaness of Darlen's site: The Value on it onece each of her visitors know they can speak the truth, telling in detail naturally what happened them in their abuse: Knowing Darlene is the professional Steward of her site and only allows what she knows is being shared from the heart in total truth: Your Explaining Rich brings this point out brilliantly: I and all her many visitors can take courage after these words to You: Quote:
CONGRATULATIONS
Rich You are now on the road toward healing and recovery: Keep up the great work: For me it re-assures me that she truly is a remakable empatiser with a womans heart: Feeling the pain being expressed by each of her visitor in the sharing of their story: She wants each one to move on and begin healing: Once she mentions I hope you are in some form of counselling: That is when to take special heed of what she is saying in her comment to each of her visitors personally: Rich, great you are healing all around you your wife and two little Angels are ever so lucky and blessed: From Victim to Victory and turning your pain into power: Good on you Rich: You give hope to us all:
Feb 26, 2011
 thank you
by: a nobody

Rich I have just found this site tonight and have done a lot of reading. I just want to say one thing to you........Well said........thank you.

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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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