Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed43

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Apr 17, 2010
 SO glad you're going to counselling...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Counselling can help you to put this into perspective; and you need to put it into perspective. Sexually intrusive children have themselves been sexually abused. Somewhere along the line, an adult sexually abused one of those children and taught him/her about something that a child should never know. That child then went on to molest...and then that child may have eventually done the same...and on it goes. Stop thinking of yourself as a monster; you were a child. Realize that you were a victim so that you can get the help you really need. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Apr 17, 2010
 we did it when we were kids
by: Scott Canada

Hi
When I was a kid I was involved with sexual play with other children. This is an interesting subject and I have been waiting a long time for the right time to share the comment, and there are quite a few different places I could share it around. I have finally picked you. I have decided to add more to my story page regarding this issue. Darlene is correct in that it can be caused by an adult or an older child /teen introducing you to it. But cant some of it be considered normal kids exploring??
I do not know if I was sexually abused. I dont remember if that happened, and trust me, I try and try to remember. Unless you consider the shameful spankings I got at school as sexual abuse. There was bare bottom nudity during these punishments. But was it sexual?
In my opinion, I believe we have to step back a bit from this, take a breath and realize that we were not all perverts when we were young just because we snuck a feel. Ask this...is spin the bottle coercion? And that trip to the closet for a kiss as a kid considered abuse.
I as a child was not a molester and neither are the other girls and boys we played with when we were 8-9. We were giggling, excited kissing feeling group of kids that grew up to be well rounded well adjusted adults. Most of us anyway. The point is I see them now and we laugh at the kiss we snuck in the trees.
We were not child abusing children, just doing what kids do out of natural curiosity. Cant we as a society leave some room for that.
Apr 17, 2010
 To Scott:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There is room for that, Scott. Please go to the following page on my site in order to understand the difference between normal exploration between children and sexually intrusive children: Child sex offenders

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Apr 17, 2010
 give ourselves a break
by: Scott Canada

Hi again Darlene. I will check out those pages and I am going to write more on my story page in all its honesty.
I think maybe its ok to give ourselves a break. Undisclosed43, perhaps your being much too hard on yourself. It does bother me when people put themselves down. You were a kid and for what its worth I dont think your a molester. Think positive and stop putting your self down and calling yourself names. We all did THINGS when we were kids.
Think of the good things about yourself and the fact your so smart that you recognize things as they are. Good and bad, remember that you didnt know what you were really doing and in that there is no malice. Misguided decisions and for the lack of a better word ..."horny."
I was 11 and humping my pillows nude, in all its messy uneducated details. Does that make me weird or a pervert? I think it was ok...Im old enough now to admit it and forgive myself for the things I did as a kid.
Now I want to discuss them openly and look forward to your wisdom and input. I dont judge here, when I get perfect than its time for me to go..and you wont hear from me again.
Please join me in the near future at Scott1's Child Abuse Stories page. I have something on my mind and want to share and would love your input.

From Darlene: Scott, I've now merged all your submissions onto one page, and just this once, I've included the URL above. I'll place all additional submissions from you on that page, which will keep them all together.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Apr 17, 2010
 I did it too
by: Anonymous

Don't think your alone because I also did similar things growing up. Even when I was little I explored adn that created an intense interest in this while I was growing up. Am I a sex pffender now yes and no. yes because it continued somewhat once I reached teen years and no because I've stopped and I won't let it control me anymore. Yes I still suffer from affects of it but I can work with those. Just remember you were kid and you din't know any better.
Apr 17, 2010
 author of the above article
by: Anonymous

Darlene thank you so much for posting my story and for your comment. After re-reading my story, I realized I left a part out. Also when I was 7 or 8, an older girl took me into a closet and performed sexual acts on me. I remember her telling me that it was better to be with a girl because girls use their tongues and dicks can get you pregnant. She was obvious much older. Anyways, A few days after submitting my story, I got a call from my mother. She could sense my sadness in my voice. She begged me to tell her what was wrong. I completely broke down. I told her I couldn't tell her over the phone and I drove to her house which is 3 hours away. I was so ashamed to tell her but I really needed to get it out. I told her my story. To my surprise, she was not disgusted with me. She agreed what I did was very wrong, but she said I was just a kid and kids do dumb things. I wouldn't tell her any names, but I told her the age difference so I know she has a good idea who it is. She encouraged me to talk with him, but I don't think its a good idea. I still feel that a 12 year old should have known better. I'm still very depressed, but my counselling session is in a few days. I hope it helps.

From Darlene: I'm SO proud of you for telling your mother! And regardless of what you say, 12-year-olds are still children in need of a tremendous amount of guidance; and as such, cannot be held responsible for acts that can so easily be judged when one is an adult. Don't put adult values on decisions you made as a child. My goodness, if society put the blame on 12-year-olds for everything they did wrong, they'd never see adulthood!

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Apr 21, 2010
 The Love and Understanding expressed here can only empower us
by: maurice

Oh wonderful and beautiful human being behind your anonminity. You truly have been ever so honest and truthful that you have brought out more understanding comments to your telling of your story. Oh Darlene thank you, your comments are so loving and empowering of each of us especially Undisclosed 43. who had that experience as children. They say time is a great learner and a great healer: We are all at different age levels relating our innocence of playing around as children. For the writer of the story I can empatise with, equally with the others who wrote a comment. Let go, be gentle and kind to your acceptance of it all NOW. please don't punish yourself any more worrying about it: Darlene knows best, Talk to a counsellor/therapist who will put it all in perspective for you and indeed for us all. But if you can let go of it naturally you'll be all the stronger for it. Let it be a learning experience, let it teach you to love and respect your beauty, and your body, value and respect your body in a way that you will not NOW let anyone abuse it. Be safe, be true to yourself, look in the mirror and love all you see. soothe and rub oils and lotions into your body making you feel good about it. Oh yes ou are still young enough to have a healthy mind in a healthy body, get out and about be active and alive with other like-minded people in sporting and cultural activities. You'll be fine, live well, laugh alot, love much, get on with living your life to the full. I can: I will: I must: because I am WORTH IT. get the message beautiful one. A chat with a counsellor will do you the world of good in putting your fears and doubts in perspective being the wonderful, beautiful innocent child you were with all your cousins and friends. Be safe, stay safe OK.
Apr 24, 2010
 I wish my kids felt like you
by: Anonymous

A very powerful and moving story. Please don't keep crying and avoiding your cousin. Its done, it happened, and feeling guilt and shame like this is not healthy for you and doesn't help him in the least. Tell him you are sorry and listen to what he responds. Then let it go.

I had an experience as an adult when I found out my cousin was molested by her father back when we were children. I was ENRAGED. I screamed, I yelled, I said 'send the f-er to jail!' When I got home, I was still obsessed. I couldn't let it go. Finally, I went to counseling and raged and dumped for 6 weeks. The last week, I went in there and was all calm, thanked him for the help, said I was done. He gently asked me if I thought maybe I had been molested and I honestly denied it. A few years after that, I quit drinking and discovered all the feelings I'd been burying with booze... Anyway, your response reminds me of mine, except you got depressed and I got angry.

Now I have children who ARE child molesters. We hope that with treatment, informed, supportive, mostly-manipulation-proof and loving parents, plus extraordinary treatment, they will heal and not be a danger to society. No guarantees. Anyway, my first thought when I read your story was wishing my kids felt your guilt and shame. Trust me, you are not a child molester. You may have abused your cousin, for which you should make amends, but you don't have any reason to feel you are some sort of monster. You screwed up. You were a kid. You know better. Fess up and let it go. (Your mom's reaction was great, you're lucky. Listen to her.)

And if you can't let go of it, then maybe you should look at my experience and see if you need to dig a little deeper. Abused kids blame themselves and it sounds like you might have found a handy target in that event with your cousin. Don't put more on it that it is. If there is more, do yourself a favor and find out so you can heal it.

With love.
Apr 24, 2010
 i'm glad i wasnt alone
by: Dan1

I am so relieved to know that I wasn't the only 1 going thru something like this. I absolutly feel your pain. What really sucked about me was that a few years after my experience, I was molested by a church member at my church. I felt horrible. He never touched my bare body. He tried but failed so he touched me over my clothing. I hated it so much but I looked at it as karma bcus of what I did with my (little) friend years back. When I found this website I wanted to tell my story. I did and I don't regret it. I got so many words of strength and encouragement by every 1 and I finally stopped looking at myself as a bad guy after years of thinking I was. I'll tell u this much, u are being way to harsh on yourself right now. I'm sure your cousin doesn't hate you. When I saw my friend last summer he told me that I was like a big brother to him. And that surprised me bcus in the back of my mind, I thought he hated me. My friend and I were innocent children. Him and I mimmicked what we were watching out of pure curiousity and body exploration. He knew and I knew that I never letted those things happen to hurt him or make him feel bad. I was never abusive or a bully towards him. I'm sure you weren't niether based on how you described.The guilt, the sadness, feeling alone, viewing yourself as a molester etc, I been there and felt all that, and honestly that incident made me better person today.I'm not saying that I'm glad it happend of course not. We both know that if u and I can go back and stop what we did as kids we'd do whatever it takes. But we can't. So the only thing we can do is learn from it.U need to let go of this guilt. U can't put yourself down for something u did as a child. U WERE A CHILD.Have you ever tried talking to your cousin about it. I have. But it didn't go as I planned. I panicked and choked on my words. So I'll have to try again next time I see'em. I sure he knew what i tried to tell him. I have never told a living soul about this in person. But I'm considering in telling my girlfriend soon bcus I feel that I trust her and I know she won't judge me. I completely understand that u and I are dealing with this differently. 1 way that helped a lot was joining a physical sport or going jogging. If you want a way to clear your mind, that's the way to do it. When I jog I feel like nothing exists. Just me and the sidewalk. My minds clear, and my body's relaxed. U will always have some 1 to talk to. Me being 1 of them. And I thank you so much for reading my story's. I really hope that it helped you in some way. I'd like to hear from you again ok.
Much luk with your counselling man. Always by yourside.
Dan1
Apr 28, 2010
 Stand Proud
by: Anonymous

Dont give up. Dont think like tht. you DO need to c a psychologist but u are NOT a dirty evil monster. you are a human, and u r just accepting some of the teribble mistakes you made. u know better now, and u havent hurt anyone else. Talk to your cousin about it and ask him if hes ok. You just need forgivness, and you need to forgive yourself. then you can move on. Keep strong!
Apr 29, 2010
 childhood memories will keep effecting us if we do not put them in perspective
by: Maurice

Counselling helps, I am certain of that now, I too wander back to all that happened me as a child or from time to time all i did and was done to me by children whom I innocently did things with and my abusers did to me pop up infrequently because i have put them in perspective: Counselling does help because the gifted, professional, trained person helped me when i bared myself not literally with the one confided in detail with. with his help every innocent playful antics we got up to by our romping about with in our secret hideaways with other children were put in perspective for me. Ever since I let them go as just innocent fun for me and them: From time to time when we meet we laugh at how daft and innocent we truly were: We did nothing wrong to each other except show off: The Abuse of me by that sicko was also put in perspective but in a different context as to the seriousness and effects it played on me and my mind: The devastation it caused me until I told the counsellor and shared it with my closest of friends. Once he re-assured me it was not my fault, he abused his power over me and the other children under his care: he was aan abuser an a pervert that we all know now fro learning what abuse really is: Darlene has given you the real ways to cope with all that happened you in abuse: Please take her words to your heart, make sense of them for your own good, I will, I can, I must, BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT: get out of the morass of your living because of the abuse that was not of your doing that was done to you: YOU and only YOU can make THE difference. You have friends, you have counsellors to walk with you, will you walk genuinely with them and get the LOVE and the help thay can offer you: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: All of us who made comments love and cherish you: Value and respect you as one true beautiful and gifted human person. I hope you can sense the power of love oozing from our comments to you: Live well, laugh alot, LOVE much, If you decide to reamin in your morass of your childhood abuse that is where you will remain: (negative) If you decide not to stay in that Morass of your life then You'll be thinking positive, acting positive, being positive: You will be true to yourself and all those there wanting to love you: Great you relieved some of that morass by telling and relating truthfully your abuse: That was brave Mate: good on you: Thank you Darlene for your site and safe haven for us to be true to ourselves and each other in telling our horrific stories of abuse on us:
May 12, 2010
 author of the above article
by: Anonymous

I really want to thank everyone for caring and for their support. My counselling appt fail through. Their was a mix up on the time we were supposed to meet. I showed up and she wasn't there. While I was there waiting, an old co worker came in. She worked for the clinic now. I was so embrassed. Although she assured me that everything was confidential, it was still embrassing. The counselor I was supposed to meet with didn't show after almost an hour so I left. She called and left me a message. She apologized for the mix up and told me to call back and reschedule. I never did. I've been doing fair, I suppose. My guilt still creeps up out of nowhere everyday, but I am trying to over come it. I guess I could talk to my cousin, but is it a really good idea to burden him with something that happened almost 11 years ago? Wouldn't it be best to just deal with it on my own? I just don't know what I was thinking and why I thought it was ok to do what I did. I just don't understand, but I know I have to accept it and learn to cope. Much easier said then done though. It haunts me everyday, but I try my best to fight it. You know, I've always had zero sympathy for people who were rapist, child molestors, and murders and I still don't have sympathy for them and think they should be in prison for life. But to wake up one day and feel like you are one of those people is absolutely devasting. I just feel like I've done something unforgivable. I am so ever grateful to everyone and all your kind words and encouragement. I promise I will fight through this. This website and everyone who contributes to it really has truly saved me. Thank you all so very much.
May 13, 2010
 Please follow through
by: Anonymous

You could write a letter to your cousin, and show it to your mom and go over it and edit it together. That way you can say that you are sorry for what you did. There is no need to go into excruciating detail. Either he remembers it or he doesn't. You can hang onto that letter or give it to him. Your mom will help you with that. Staying frozen is not going to help. You might get more functional but you deserve to be happy and love and trust yourself. This is entirely possible.

Also, please go to an ISA or other sexual assault survivors support group. Don't use the copout that you are the perpetrator not the victim. It is clear that you are a victim whether you realize it or not. Just try a few meetings before you decide if it is for you or not. They won't care if you technically were incested or not. They will help you.

As far as counseling, I know it is challenging to set up, and I don't know if you have other options or if that is the only counseling available to you. Search for other options or else ask a support person to help you find something, especially if you are too depressed to do it yourself.

The problem is that you are trying to figure this all out in your own head and it is your own head that is confused.

So you really need to use outside resources. We know your mom is one. Great. Please find more. The survivor meetings will also be very helpful for finding resources.

http://www.lafn.org/medical/isa/home.html
http://www.siawso.org/
http://www.sexualabusesurvivors.com/
http://www.darkness2light.org/GetHelp/support_adult_survivor.asp

I know some of these organizations and not others. You will know you are in the right place because you will feel like you have come home. It is wonderful to heal. You go from despair to joy and you become grateful for what you have been through because it has made you stronger and you are able to help others.

Thanks for writing so often and keeping us updated.

love,
me
May 14, 2010
 Don't shy away from counselling: It is most important for you
by: maurice

Hi wonderful and true good person of the human species: Male or Female: Don't give up on your counselling appointments make new one's: I assure you it will put you very much at ease with your anxiousness and tormenting feelings about your cousin: I heard from a very powerful professional phycoligist/physcihitist from the states who was over in Belfast setting up a community based program for Youth at Risk: 34 young adults from 17 years to 22 availed of the program: All had been abused and received punishment beatings from the Para Militaries for unsocial behaviour and drug pushing and not paying back the money to the dealers: I was part of it the program as a committed partner for two young People: It is known as breakthrough in the States where it originated: But one of the days he lined all the young people up in a circle: Going from one to one he said to each one I bet I know what you are suffering from: All of the adults were mind boggled at what he said: You are suffering from the Already listening syndrome: I never heard of it: They were all be mused: He then returned to each one and explained: He said I bet you are worried. anxious, bothered, annoyed about what that person over there might be saying about you: As he returned to each one they all said yes I am. What was so powerful for me listening was when he said, How do you know they are saying anything about you? I Don't each one replied So STOP ALREADY LISTENING AND THINKING SO: Don't worry about anything unless the person says something to your face: I must say I benefitted no end from this: I had to admit I stressed myself out worrying about what the other might be saying or thinking about me: Your cousin may not be thinking a tosser about what happened all those years ago, but you are depressed and worried he might: That is why before you do anything, speak with a counsellor: You will be embarrassed at the outset but she's totally trained and professional: She''ll re-assure you you don't need to be: The last comment to you by a caring annoymous has put before you another way to realte to your cousin your feelings: I believe set up a counselling appointment will put your mind at ease as to your next step: OK I care about you: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Live well, laugh alot, Love much and get on with living your life to the full: I will: I can: I must because I am WORTH it:
Jul 20, 2010
 Author of the story above
by: Anonymous

Again, I would like to thank everyone for all of their support. Since my last comment post, not much has changed, in fact, I feel like I have further declined. I had gotten so depressed that I did reach out to a counselor again. I had my first session, where she gave me a little history about the clinic and herself. I asked her to come onto the site and read my story because I could not tell her myself. She read most of it, and stopped and began to talk with me. I broke down. We did not have much time to go into detail before the session was over. I just took a vacation, and she is taking one this week, it will be a week or two before we can meet again.
I?m still very lost and confused. I no longer enjoy the things I use too, like taking vacations. Traveling was my passion, experiencing new things and meeting new people is what I lived for. Second, I love to shop. I took a vacation for myself expecting that it would make me feel better, new place, great shopping, but too much free time got the best of me. I just could not stop thinking about this situation with me and my cousin. It has entirely consumed my life, my every thought.
I continue to research child sex offenders and read stories on this site. I cannot distinguish myself from a perpetrator as hard as I try, child or not. Although I realize I was a kid and that I did not foresee consequences of my actions, it still is no excuse for my behavior or the damage I may have caused my cousin. I was someone he was supposed to be able to trust, someone who should have protected him and not abused him.
Someone asked what was going on with me, I slipped and told them that I felt bad about something I did when I was 12. Of course this person laughed (I am known for being hard on myself) and said, ?What could you have possibly done that was so bad at 12?? I thought, ?if this person only knew.?
I wonder what would have happened if I had gotten caught? I would have been an outcast for sure. Shunned. Looked down upon, not able to be around children again. Or even if I told someone my story now, how would they look at me? They would be absolutely disgusted. This is something I could never share with a significant other. I do not feel worthy of anyone?s love or presence. I don?t even feel like a woman anymore. I no longer care about feeling and looking attractive. I no longer want a family, and I do not like to see children. The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is because I have obligations I feel I have to fulfill, none of them for myself. I hate this feeling of being alive, but not living.
Jul 20, 2010
 Author of the story above
by: Anonymous

Continued........

I have decided that I will talk to my cousin about what happened, hoping that it will give me some relief, hoping to be able breathe again and enjoy life like I had once had. However, even if he tells me he?s perfectly fine and is not upset with me, I still do not believe that I will fully forgive myself. However, I feel that if I do not at least try, then I deserve to feel the way I do. More importantly, if there is pain I have caused him, it is my responsibility to apologize and offer to help him find help if he needs it. It is my responsibility to be the big cousin I should have been years ago.

From Darlene: I believe there is purpose in everything, if we choose to look at everything with purpose. If I may be so bold as to suggest a book called Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. Although you might not be ready at this stage to believe fully the possibility of what this book says, just keep your mind open to the possibility.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jul 20, 2010
 I can.
by: Anonymous

"I cannot distinguish myself from a perpetrator as hard as I try"

My two uncles were pepertrators, and I have raised child sex perpetrators. You are different. One uncle was a... I don't know the word, but he obsessed about sex with kids and he had sex with kids, using his own family of five kids as well as any others he could get ahold of. The other uncle is a pedophile, where he believes he loves children and the relationships he has with children is loving and good for them. One of the children I raised apparently does not see that any other person of any age is a human being. He believes his desires are the defining issue for behavior. Since he has deviant desires, and he rewards those deviant desires with masturbating to deviant fantasies, he is guaranteed to do deviant things to other people of whatever age. And animals. Anything. The other child feels remorse, he feels sick that he did those things, he does not blame his own experiences for his behavior, and he is in treatment for it. He is learning about healthy relationships and has a value system. He is likely never to offend again. He screwed up as a child, several times, but does not want to be that way.

So. You offended. That's awful. You know its awful and you deeply regret it. That's good.

If you take sex out of the equation, just think about if you were abusive and violent. Pretend you used to punch and kick your cousin, that you broke his nose once. That would be awful too, right? But you can see healing and maturing in that, and believe that you are not unforgivable. You can learn to be kind and control your anger. Right?

It is the same thing. We are talking about a behavior. Behaviors are always choices. For whatever reason you made that choice back when, it does not define you now.
Jul 20, 2010
 please don't drink
by: Anonymous

When you talk to your cousin, please don't drink. Drinking makes people obsess and obsess about stuff, they cannot think right. It wouldn't go over well.
Jul 21, 2010
 Author of the story above
by: Anonymous

No disrespect to the previous comment, but I disagree with you about your comparison to sexual abuse and physical abuse as equals in this context. Let?s say I did physically abuse my cousin and broke his nose. Yes, I would have definitely been disciplined. I would have been labeled as a loose cannon and out of control. However, after punishment and realizing how wrong I was, I decide to change and never do it again. My cousin?s wounds heal, and as time passes, it is just another one of those ?fights? that kids get into. And now, 11 years later, family and friends can look back and be proud of the progress I have made from a child to an adult.
Now, let?s consider I did get caught by someone while engaging in inappropriate activity with my cousin. All hell would have broken loose. Like I mentioned previously, I would have been looked down upon, shunned. No one would have wanted me around their children ever again. Even after punishment and therapy and deciding that I would never do such an awful thing again, 11 years later, despite never harming anyone again, I would still be the pervert caught touching my cousin, and my cousin will be in shame as well.
There are arguably more lasting damaging and long-term effects of sexual abuse than physical abuse. Now, I am not saying that there are no lasting effects of physical abuse, because I?ve witness it! I?ve witness abuse all my life. Despite all the horrible things I seen as a child, all the verbal abuse I had to take for the majority of my life and not being able to depend on my own mother to protect me, I am just fine. My siblings, though in need of anger management, are fine. We have each other, and we all know that we are not the ones to blame. I vowed that I would never let anyone treat me or my children like that ever.
Jul 21, 2010
 Author of the story above
by: Anonymous

Continued.............

However, if they jerk had ever sexually touched me, I would have been messed up forever. Heck, look at me now! I sexually harmed someone else, and I can barely get out of bed in the morning from being so depressed. I?ve read all these articles about kids being sexually intrusive and reactive, and I suppose that?s the best category that I fit in, but I never use force or coercion or deception. I was not seeking to gain power over someone weaker and younger. I just wanted pleasure, I suppose. Regardless of my motives, I am still guilty of initiating and engaging in inappropriate behavior with my much younger cousin. He was not afraid of me and could have chosen to stop at anytime. However, I was the one who told him that we had to stop doing what we had started because it was wrong. Yet, I am still wrong for what I did and I still feel very guilty many years later. There is just so much more to sexual abuse than physical abuse that I just can?t explain, so much more emotions involved. I guess because sex is what we associate with love and affection and once it is used as a weapon to harm whether intentional or not, our associations become distorted and/or negative. Can?t explain it, but sexual abuse is worst, much worst. God, I wish I had chosen to break his nose instead of what I did.
Aug 04, 2010
 Author of the story above
by: Anonymous

So, I did it! I saw my cousin last weekend, and we were able to spend sometime alone. We talked about sports and looked at pictures of his friends and girlfriend. Everything seemed so great, but I knew I just had to tell him I was sorry for what I had done to him. Right before I was getting ready to leave, we ended up outside alone. I knew I would never forgive myself if I did not take this opportunity to tell him. I told him I was sorry for everything I did to him when we were kids. He looked at me funny and asked what was I talking about? And I repeated, Im sorry for everything I did to you when were kids. He looked at me and said, Ok, but that's weird. I hurried up and changed the subject, but I did it! I apologized. I wonder how much he actually remembers or how much he is going to remember now that I brought it up. I hope that I haven't brought painful memories back to him. I still feel bad about what happened, but Im hoping time will make it better. A big thanks to everyone for all your support. I appreciate you all.
Aug 24, 2010
 Great job!
by: Anonymous

So glad you had (and took!) the opportunity to take care of this.
Aug 25, 2010
 Well done: Now put your conscious at ease
by: Maurice

Stop, you have beeen true to yourself you apologised your cousin was open and honest with you and what ever jappened all those years ago was done in all innocence for the yrars that ye were at the time: Insignificant but real to you as it stayed with you: The memory has faded and made real his mature understanding of the incident: Which was more enormous in your mind than his: Let Go don't be holding onto it NOW that you have said your SORRY: Begin TODAY living your life to the full: If you feel the need to talk with a counsellor do: He/She will put your mind at ease: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Be brave, be strong and live well: Laugh alot: love much: Beginning with yourself no get on with life as your cousin has done; is doing You've learned from the past, live for the now: look forward not backwards: Set you horizons and do your best to reach them: I am certain you have one/two friends to walk with you in doing it: Ok, you have done what you needed to do so be at peace now:
Sep 04, 2010
 I wish i was as strong as you
by: Dan1

Befor I say anything Undisclosed43, I first wanted to say that I read your comment you left me and I swear to you It took me like 7 or 8 times to to read your comment without my eyes watering. You have no idea how happy you made me feel with your words. I'm so glad and honored beyond anything that my story helped you with what you're going thru...I wanted to say congrats for being able to apologize to your cousin. You are such a strong person because not only did u apologize,u also went to counceling and u even told your mom!! I have never told any other living soul except on this site. Shame isn't it.I haven't seen my friend lately but I have heard of him.And honestly I have been thinking about him for the pass few months now because he not doing well self esteem and education wise it seems,and I feel horrible.He has been held back twice in school and between his 7th and 9th grade year,he's been jumped and hurt so many times by people at school and around his nieghborhood.My mom had told me a couple days ago that he had gotten jumped while walking home from getting his H.W at the district office and was sliced on his arm many times with a weapon the bullies had.I feel guilty and responsible for what he's going thru.I'm convince that what I let happend when we were kids lowered his selfesteem,strength,and his ability to focus in school.His mom saw all his cuts on both upper arms and found his bloody shirt in the garbage but alls he said was that nothing happend.I personally believe that maybe he wasn't jumped and that our incident effected him to the point to where he's cutting himself.I pray that it isn't.I feel that I must save him.
Sep 10, 2010
 Out of total Respect
by: maurice

Undisclosed: 43: I believe in you: You'll be fine: continue with your healing process: Keep living your life to the full: Always believe in yourself: Your Special: Who am I?? I'm special: I hope you are living well, having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Mind yourself: Out of total Respect for Darlene's comment these are my few words to you this time: You'll always do what you know to be the right and the best thing for You, to do: Clebrate the wonderful and unique you>
Dec 02, 2010
 Thanks Und43
by: Dan1

i could of gotten back at u way sooner but i rarely have access to a P.C.I just wanted to tell u that i am Very thankful for sending me that prayer.I have said to my self once or twice a day.My friend was over at my place again and stayed for a weekend.i was surprised how he was glad to see me.i didnt think he'd be willing to speak to me because of how i tried bringing up our childhood situation last time.The weekend went very well.i was considering on asking him trying to talk to him about it again because we would stay up talking about random things so i'd thought it be perfect,but my mind kept telling me dont do it.at the end i never did.i decided that it be best if i never bring it up again because him and i are getting along just fine.i dont want to ruin the friendship we have.i want him to feel comfortable and safe around me.he's always glad to see me and when he's hanging out with me he never wants to go home.And that is enough for me to believe that he forgives me.i dont want him to go home neither because i hate it when my mom tells me that he's been hurt at school.Sometimes i do wish that i can have the courage to apologize to him.but i dont do to well in those situations.Thank u so much Und43 for being their for me and having my back.i wish we can get to know eachother through E-Mail but apparently this site is very limited.its ok though because we both know where to find eachother.Happy Xmas.God Bless you and you cousin.
May 11, 2011
 I feel guilty
by: Anonymous

From Darlene - Webmaster: Anonymous, I've moved your comment to my stories pages, as the comment threads are reserved for posts directly to the story contributor. I generally have about 50 - 60 or more stories in queue at any given time, so it may take upwards of 3 weeks to go live on my site. You'll find it under Child Abuse Story From Anonymous (there will be a number behind Anonymous, but the system will generate it depending on how many Anonymous stories I post between now and then). Also, please be aware that I can no longer answer questions from visitors. I thank you for your understanding.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
May 11, 2011
 I'm impressed
by: lf

Hi, Dan1,

I think you are doing great. I think you were wise in the decision not to bring it up again. Now that you tried once, he knows you are okay with talking about it. As you know, everyone handles things in different ways. So if you tried to force him to talk about it, then that would be mean. And I agree, he clearly loves you and has done whatever forgiveness is needed. Always remember, everyone sees things differently. So you are respecting not only his desires about talking about it, but also respecting his viewpoint, whatever that is and whether or not you agree.

I think maybe the only piece of forgiveness left is perhaps forgiving yourself. That could be a long journey taking you to places you have no idea. Best wishes and blessings! I hope you keep writing once in a while, I for one think of you now and then, and wish the best for you, and I like knowing how you are doing.

best wishes and Blessings!
May 12, 2011
 I am taking charge of my own life's destiny:
by: maurice

I sure hope you stayed in counselling: You will be a winner: Help yourself by accepting the advice you are hearing from the gifted and professionally trained Therapist or Counsellor: You sure were brave; You were strong and you had the courage to get your cousin to talk about what happened all those years ago: Put your mind at peace now and begin to live your life to the full by letting go: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body occupy your time being with like-minded people who want to be healthy in their living: Trust yourself, your friend or friends especially the one you really share you intimate stuff with: A good and true friend is a golden nugget so treasure that special person in your life: My prayers are always with you and for you:
Nov 16, 2014
 hi
by: Anonymous

Is this page still open

From Webmaster Darlene Barriere: As long as the story appears live and there is an option to leave a comment, the page remains open for additional supportive and/or encouraging comments. Though I cannot guarantee the person who wrote the story continues to monitor the comments left by my visitors.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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