Comments for Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed147

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Jun 20, 2013
 To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As children, we are vulnerable. We don't have the brain growth and development needed to make healthy choices and decisions. As we get older and move through the various ages and stages of our lives, and as our brains develop, we are better able to make healthy choices and decisions for ourselves. When we add to the mix child sexual abuse, we can develop a warped sense of right and wrong. But at some point, most will discover that what happened to them was wrong, and that whatever they've done to others was also wrong. But to judge yourself for what you did as a child is to stunt your growth now. Part of healing requires forgiveness, and that includes forgiveness for the things you've done and not done. As long as you keep judging yourself, healing will elude you. Change your perspective, then ensure that your choices are healthy ones, choices that include never harming another person. And remember that you are part of that promise. Find a way to turn your pain into power, perhaps by helping others who have experienced similar abuses in their lives. Helping others can indeed help you to heal even deeper. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jun 21, 2013
 Response to Undisclosed147
by: Anonymous

I too, acted out sexually. But I also was violent towards other children. I hit other children and slapped several of them. I had seen my Mother do that to an Admirals daughter who was my friend. I hit a girl with a hammer on the head when I was six. I punched a boy in the nose who was Jewish and wouldn't say the Lord' prayer when I was nine. I slapped my best friend and my step mother and my little sister.
I saw my Mother and Father argue all the time, and my Mother would drive away in the middle of the night only to come back in the morning. It was so scary. She would walk down the stairs of our house black and blue wearing make up. I was horrifying.
She was killed when I was nine in a car crash in which my Father was driving. He was under the influence of benadryl and had been at a party in Washingto DC drinking alcohol.
He raised me after she died. I went to school in Switzerland. I never got better but I had a good time in school becuase people were so educated and I tried to forget what I had been when I was younger.
I had to live with my brother who had molested me (oral sex in front of my other brother when I was seven. A therapist confronted me with that memory from testing me )... and I was masturbating furiously - I even used a crucifix to masturbate when I was seven. I stood on a pile of coal and thought I was acting like Christ on the cross. It was pretty sad and sick.

so I get what you went through, and how to deal with it. I have been through therapy and am obese at the moment.
I have been married to a wonderful man for twenty five years, but he is sick with multiple sclerosis. He has been so understanding about my behavior. I still will run away and scream at God and cry a lot,about once or twice a year now. I have lots of support at Alanon, a group for people affected by alcoholism.

But the violence and the sexuality never stop bothering me. I spend most of my time alone, doing art work ( I got an art degree from university and a nursing degree - my class voted me "Most off the Wall")and taking care of animals.
I am going to be sixty this October but it is as if I were still a child. I don't want ot go into my old age with these memories. Maybe I won't have to, that God will take my mind before I die. I do want to help other people. That is why I become a nurse. But I made some mistakes in nursing that cost me my job. I wasn't "over" the past and was acting out sexually with people when I was nursing.

I hope you will continue to write and try to get help. It does help to meet people with similar stories, who are getting better, like I have in Alanon.

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From Victim to Victory
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