Comments for Child Abuse Story From Millie

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Sep 08, 2008
 First step...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Millie, it was very brave of you to "[throw] this story out there" as you put it; I'm very glad you did. Perhaps it's the first step of many to come. Perhaps it's the first step toward trusting your husband enough to tell him what happened to you as a helpless child. Perhaps it is the first step toward healing and recovery.

Thank you for the message you have included with your story. It is important for other child abuse survivors to understand that indeed a normal life is possible after abuse.

And Millie, you'll note that I removed your full last name and replaced it with an initial, and that I changed the first names of each of your uncles to an initial. I did this to ensure anonymity and privacy. No disrespect was intended. I trust you understand.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Oct 13, 2008
 Go on with life
by: Anonymous

Millie, I read your story and couldn't believe how heinous some people are. My mom actually is one of those people. She didn't commit the act, however she pretty much pawned me off on her boyfriend when I was 10-15yrs. She sometimes would even be in the same bed with us. He actually had sex with me multiple times, after he got me high and after I cleaned his house and spent the night there by myself.
The crazy thing is, is that I actually want to have a relationship with this woman. She was all I had for so long - but my husband doesn't understand and doesn't want our daughter, who will be arriving in January, to have anything to do with her.
I don't blame him, but I'm angry that he doesn't support the fact that I do want to have some type of relationship with her. Oh, he also doesn't like my step-dad because he's there for his wife and has said some not so nice things about me.
I don't know what to do because this is tearing my husband and I apart. I worry that it will never get any better, especially now that we are bringing another person into this world.
Anyway, I was hoping that there might be some advice someone could give to me with regards to helping my husband understand me. I know that he would die for me, but it's not his problem - it's mine.
Thanks

Note from Darlene: Anonymous, while I agree that this is your problem and not your husband's, the fact that you are bringing a little one into this world makes things complicated. Your husband sounds like a very caring and nurturing man; he wants to protect you, but he also feels very strongly that he needs to protect your unborn child as well. That is the nature of men. I recommend counselling for the two of you. A counsellor may be able to help with your need to feel a connection with your mother and thus help you be a better mother yourself; for your husband, a counsellor may be able to alleviate the very real fears he is experiencing. Perhaps a counsellor can help the two of you negotiate something that works for the both of you. To bring your child into the world with this angst between you and your husband would be to burden your child needlessly. As adults, you must find a way to deal with this, before your child decides to join you both; THAT would be the greatest birthday gift you could give to your baby.

As a show of respect to Millie, any further comments on this thread should be validation, encouragement and support for her. I do thank you for your understanding.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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