Comments for Child Abuse Story From Michelle

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Aug 06, 2010
 Michelle:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Unlikely, but there are some stories on this site that reflect what you are asking. However, there is no way to point you to them, as there are in excess of 2500 child abuse stories here already, and growing every day. But what I suggest more than anything is some form of counseling in order to help you deal with the issues you face as a result of being sexually abused and why you feel the need to continue a relationship with your abuser.

If and when you're ready, by all means share the rest of your story here.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Aug 07, 2010
 I also feel conflicted about parents
by: Scott2

The need to be loved by a parent is very strong but sometimes parents are not able to be a positive force for good in our lives. I would hate for you to be constantly re-traumatized by an abusive parent. You need to look after yourself!

This is very hard ... I would suggest you speak to a professional about this; a therapist can help you determine what healthy boundaries look like and how to safely enforce them.

In your journey of healing I hope that you find a good father figure in your life. It does not have to be bio-dad.
Aug 15, 2010
 My relationship with my father
by: Anonymous

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I have a relationship with my father. I still cringe instinctually if he tries to touch me. But we're on ok terms. I chose not to confront him about the abuse. But my aunt (his sister) who took me in after I ran away and was homeless for a while explained that he was abused as well. I think that's enough for me to forgive him. I never felt the need to directly confront him about it; I really don't see how it would be a positive experience for me so I'm not going to do it.

I don't think he sees the adult me as the same person as the kid he raped all the time. I think he saw me the kid as worthless during the day and a sex object at night. Now I have 3 degrees and he seems me as an intellectual adult he can have actual conversations with. We only talk shop, nothing else; I don't think he's capable of talking about anything else anyways. He's smart and it's fun to talk shop with him. I do feel an intellectual kinship with him and as long as he doesn't try to hug me or something, visits no longer have any uncomfortable emotional valence.

If you're serious about having a relationship with your father, you need to figure out if there's anything about his personality and interests that you'd like if he hadn't abused you, and pursue a relationship on those terms. I think it's important to reflect on that. If my dad weren't any fun to talk shop with (and I know we'd come to blows if we talked politics or religion), I wouldn't try to have a relationship with him. It's just that I recognize with dispassionate reflection, he's kind of fun to hang out with. If he weren't, it wouldn't be worth trying to have a relationship just because he happens to share some genes with me. So, do you want a relationship with your dad because you think Normal people like their dads? Because you think you can't count yourself as Healthy if you don't? Or because you think you're Supposed to Love him? Or because you actually want a relationship with him as a person? Lots of people, regardless of whether or not they were abused, don't actually like their blood relatives. It can be just as healthy not to try to be close to relatives you genuinely have nothing in common with.
Aug 17, 2010
 .
by: Michelle

i love him and i miss him, i miss the dad he could be sometimes when things were good and i miss the dad i never had that i've always wanted that i always hope he could be. But i opened a well and i started dealing with my issues and how can i keep seeing him and pretending that nothing happened when part of my healing is to STOP pretending but how can i possibly face him if i ever confronted him, so confused
Oct 24, 2010
 Dear Michelle
by: Sandra B

No, I haven't, but I have a mom who psysicaly abused me. I now haven't talked to her for months, and I miss her so much! Because I love my mom, everyone loves it's mom, right? The same as every child loves it's father, that's just how it is. It sucks, but you will always miss him, always love him, because he is your father. I haven't spoken to my mom yet, and there is a longer story behind than just the physical abuse, so much more, so I'm not planing to talk to her soon. I don't think we ever will be so close again, I will never have a mom. So i dont recommend you to become friends with your father, because what he did to you was WRONG. No matter what he did to you, but I know for sure that it was WRONG. Hope you know it too, best wishes for you, honey. Love Sandra.

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