Comments for Child Abuse Story From Marlie

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Jan 23, 2009
 No one can guarantee an outcome...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Marlie, I do sympathize with your position, but that doesn't change the fact that there isn't a person on the planet who can give the guarantees you are seeking. That seems unfair, I know, but that's the reality of it; and I need to be upfront about that. The overwhelming majority of children who are abused DO NOT get removed from their abusive homes. And when they do, it's generally because the child is deemed to be in "imminent danger". Of course there are exceptions, as we hear about through the media, but removal happens a lot less often than we are led to believe. And even if you were to be removed from your home, there's certainly no guarantee that you'll end up in a better one.

There are a few other things I must be upfront about:

With the exception of causing physical injury, parents have the right to discipline their children as they deem appropriate. Given where you live, that's basically the law of the land. Whether or not you are being abused, I cannot say. You offered no details about what your stepfather is doing: nothing about physical abuse, nothing about emotional abuse, nothing about neglect, nothing about sexual abuse. Rightly or wrongly, adults may interpret your situation as you having difficulty adjusting to a stepfather who pays more attention to his own children. Understand that I'm not saying that, but I must point it out.

Marlie, you said nothing about your mother and how she does or does not fit into the picture here. The first place to start is with your mother. You need to speak to her about what you are dealing with. And if your mother refuses to believe you, or if she says that what this man is doing she doesn't consider abusive, if it really is abuse (and I suggest you read through the information pages on this site-4 links I've provided above-to learn more about what constitutes abuse), then talk to someone you trust: a school counsellor or teacher, the parent of a friend, etc. I also strongly urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about what you are dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if it's determined that indeed you are dealing with abuse and you decide to disclose it.

I wish you all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jan 26, 2009
 Thanks
by: marlie

Thank-you! You have given me a little bit of insight on this problem and i will try to get more perspective on my issue.
Jan 29, 2009
 you need to tell
by: been there

i can understand where your comming from on not wanting to tell but you need to!! They wont take the other kids away from him if he doesnt hurt them! i have been through similar situations. A few months ago my step mom bit me on the face and said she didnt remember it! The kids at my school made me tell the office. The office called C.P.S., and now by court law, im not allowed to be home alone with her ever again but her kids are! Nothing ever happened to her kids so they couldnt take her kids away from her! So my adivce is to tell!! Dont keep it bottled up inside or you will just cause problems for yourself
Feb 01, 2009
 It may help you
by: Peter Schmedding

Marlie, it appears you may be the victim of an event that happens so often wherever people live together: Some, otherwise kind and nice people just can not tolerate some other person. Sometimes it is mutual, sometimes it is simply one-sided. Tragically, this happens sometimes when a teacher does not harmonise with one or two of their pupils in class. Such cases are really nobody's fault. This could be a factor in your unfortunate relationship with your step father.

I remember one similar case that you might be interested to know: A boy, just a couple of years older than you, instead of talking, decided to write a letter to, in this case the step mother. He asked in that letter what he could do on his part to make their lives more pleasant. He just explained that he felt deeply hurt about the situation but felt helpless to do anything about it. He added no accusation, just asking for help. This completely different approach made a great impression on the mother and the situation improved. For a start they were able to openly discuss their dislikes. By writing instead of talking he got a message across it 'broke the ice'.

Sometimes different opinions lead to new ways to clarify an unfortunate situation and I thought this might just give you an idea or two to make things better.

Good luck!

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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