Comments for Child Abuse Story From Margaret

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Jul 06, 2008
 It's no blessed WONDER!
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Look at it from the perspective of what you were forced to endure, Margaret. The first 10 years of your life you lived with a mother who was mentally ill. You were taken into protective custody 35 years ago, a time when few children were removed from a home; it must have been bad for CPS to feel the need to take such action.

A 10-year-old little girl, even one who was badly abused, would desperately want her mommy, at the very least, the idea of mommy. How terrifying for you to learn your mother was locked up. We have this in common, Margaret. I know this terror all too well. My own mentally ill and abusive mother was institutionalized several times when I was a little girl. Each time I thought she was going to die and leave me forever, a fate far worse than being beaten. After all, I believed I was worthless, worthy only of the tortuous beatings I was getting at home. You, Margaret, WERE left forever.

And then you were bounced around between relatives without as much as a passing thought for your emotional well-being. The toll this took on you and your sister had to be gargantuan.

As for your grandparents...they cast you and your sister away; and not just once, either. They made life-altering decisions that affected two precious children—their grandchildren, no less—in an alcohol-induced haze. One must ask who they were really looking out for. One must ask what abuse they inflicted upon their own children.

And then to honestly believe that you finally found a family, a family who would give you all that you never had. Only to be further emotionally and physically abused.

Your childhood was one betrayal after another, Margaret, one person after another after another abandoning you. You learned not to trust. You learned that you would always be betrayed. You learned that you would always be left behind. You learned a twisted sense of love: that love was painful, unpredictable and conditional. You believed you were unworthy and unlovable. When you check the resume of your past, is it any wonder that you would repress those memories? Not in my mind, Margaret, not in my mind.

My heart breaks for the two precious little girls that you and your sister were, the little girls who should have been loved and nurtured and protected, the little girls who so needed to be hugged and told how absolutely wonderful they were, the little girls who so needed to be told they were loveable and worthy and perfect as they were; because every word of that is true. The rest are outright lies that aren't worth the "honey bucket" they deserve to be dumped in!

You need help with this, Margaret. You can't do it alone. If you aren't already, I urge you to seek out some form of counselling. Start treating yourself better than anyone else ever has.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jul 06, 2008
 From Margaret
by: Anonymous

Hi Darlene,

Your comments about my story have really helped me. You know it's really funny - After I wrote this story (Many things were not written) I felt guilty about being disloyal to my adopted mother. I realized if she read this - I was be disowned forever. But I also realized that wouldn't be too different than they way she treats me most of the time anyway. I'm considered the black sheep of the family because of my past rebellious behavior. It's funny how a person can believe terrible things their parents say about them when there young. Your feedback is amazingly right on the mark and I really appreciate your words. In the last year and a half, I have really gotten involved in a great church and I hope in time I will be on the right road in my recovery. I have found a counselor but have been bad about cancelling appnts. due to work issues. I realize I need to take care of myself and recover from this.

Thanks again for your insight. I do have a question - I'm thinking about returning to school to finish my bachelor's - Any good career fields that you could think of - as far as wanting to use my past to help others??

Thanks Darlene - God Bless
Jul 07, 2008
 A thank you and a bit of advice...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm so glad my comments have helped you, Margaret. Thank you for taking the time to write me back and tell me so.

Regarding missed appointments for counselling, I've always found that when we truly make something in our lives a priority, we'll move mountains to get it done. Nothing can possibly be more of a priority than taking care of yourself. I also remember a time, way back before I had actually entered therapy, how easy it was for me to throw myself into work rather than work on myself. When I made my mental health the top priority in my life, it was amazing how everything else in my personal and workplace life fell into place. I had more support from the people around me than I had ever known possible, because they could see I needed the support.

As for going back to school for your Bachelor's, I admire that you want to further your education and I applaud that. But I'm a believer in the personal work first, otherwise you will likely find yourself over-extended (work, school, personal life-if you even have one at this point) and unable to continue with therapy sessions. Our lives in so many ways mirror one another...even before therapy, I wanted to go back to school to obtain a Business Management Certificate through an institute of technology; a four-year night school programme. I was all set to enroll, but mentally I was a wreck, physically I was borderline anorexic. I postponed going back to school until after my 10 months of therapy were done. Besides going for therapy, it was the best decision I'd made. Before therapy I wouldn't have been capable of handling the rigors of a full time job, going to school four nights a week, studying and completing assignments/papers on lunch breaks, on weekends, and at night after the end of yet another class. It was tough enough when I was healthy!

If I had to give any advice regarding what you can do in order to help others with your Bachelor's, vague as it is, I'd say follow your heart. Don't make the decision yet. Work through your counselling sessions. You may be surprised at what comes to you when you do.

I sincerely wish you all the best, Margaret. As I've said before, you certainly deserve it.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jul 27, 2008
 Margaret the butterfly
by: Elaine

I have known Margaret for over 15 years and have seen the effects on her life as a result of her past abuse. Her psersonal relationships have been ones of poor judgment, verbal abuse and self loathing...never happy with people who treated her good or trusting of many people at all. I will tell you that I know her to be a strong wonderful person, full of love and life and a truly great friend. In many ways she continues to grow like a butterfly from a cocoon as she delves into her supressed memories and deals with her past...and I am proud of her for facing those demons in her life and for the many things she has been able to accomplish in spite of her abuse. The thing I fear most for her is continued exposure to the negativity of people who will not only continue their abusive behavior towards her but deny that the current and past abuse ever occured. Also, that her own child could face some of that abuse from his grandparents. As I have told her in the past, she is a great person, mother and friend and I will forever treasure her prescence in my life and the positive impact she has had on my personal growth. I will always be there for her and wish her the best in conquering the past.
Elaine Hanks, CPA
Jul 27, 2008
 To Elaine:
by: Margaret

Thanks for reading the story. I appreciate your comments on everything. Your a good friend and I value you more than you know.
Feb 02, 2011
 just do it!
by: Sarah

keep following your heart Maggie. It never leads us wrong. but, for us who find it hard to trust, then trusting our hearts can sometimes be harder than the circumstances. Keep one foot in front of the other. One day at a time, each moment is precious. Stay in the Light........
i love, respect and admire you so much. You are so easy to talk to and you never judge. You make me laugh and you remind who I am: a friend of Margaret's.

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