Comments for Child Abuse Story From Luka

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Apr 19, 2008
 For some support...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

If you're feeling alone and don't have the support of other family members or friends, Luka, contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 21, 2008
 Poor treatment
by: Hayley

that is terrible Luka. Does your mom have any friends? IF not it seems that she is taking this out on you by stopping you from having any. It must be hell to have to go to school at what ever age you are, walking with your mom when other kids younger than you get to walk to school with their friends. Hang on in there, and keep posting. It's horrible to not be able to make friends for one reason or another. your mom was and still is totally out of order. Are there any clubs you could join inside school hours so you can still have a hobby and not have to justify yourself to anyone?

Good luck and hang on in there mate.
Apr 21, 2008
 You deserve better
by: Linda Tidwell

Luka, your mom sounds like she has a problem. It must be horrible to have been made a prisoner in your own home. Don't think it is your fault for her behavior, she sounds like she needs some kind of professionel help. Call DHR and Child Protective Services to help you. You'll be helping yourself and your mom as well.You deserve a normal teenage life and it isn't happening with your mother. Think about it.
May 23, 2008
 New experiences...
by: Elaine R

Dear Luka,

It's sad that you are being allowed only such limited experiences in life. Children need to be able to learn, develop and grow through various life experiences as they get older. To truly become a balanced individual in your own right, you need to be able to develop your independence and self-confidence. You need to be able to try out new things, with your family, with your friends, and alone. Happy, well-rounded adults will have been able to experience a whole range of new challenges, and will have developed strengths and abilities through these which have successfully prepared them for adult life.

Perhaps it is hard, being a parent, and your mum is finding things difficult? She may have little experience of her own - after all, when you have a child, you do not get a "maintenance book" or "manual" with it! Parents have to learn too, take on new experiences, and make changes. Some find this VERY hard. It sounds like your mum may be finding it hard?

BUT she is still wrong, and what she is doing may damage YOU in the long term, if it cannot be stopped and her behaviour changed. Your mum seems to be a very anxious parent, and needs constantly to keep an eye on you. While this may be done with good intentions, it is also, compared to experiences of other kids you've seen, excessive. Your mum risks becoming "clingy" and her behaviour verges on paranoid.

If you DO still have a good relationship with mum, and she is someone you can talk to, try telling her how you feel. It sounds silly, but she may never even have realised! You need to be calm, but firm if you do this; and give your mum chance to tell you why she behaves this way. But DON'T accept excuses. Tell her you need to learn responsibility for yourself as you get older. Try maybe to give her examples of things you can do both to demonstrate your growing independence, but also to earn her trust. If you both take small steps together, then things may change. Remember, too, that some parents smother their children because they are scared of "losing them" and dreading the day when the kid leaves home. Let your mum know you care, and always will.

If things really don't look like improving, or if it looks like your mum has some kind of problems that cause her to behave this way (e.g. mental illness, divorce, bereavement), then you need to find someone else you can talk to. I do not hear you talking of a father figure in your life. Maybe this is an issue? But you need to have someone to relate to, and someone to be a role model for the adult you wish to become. Friends' parents, teachers, youth group leaders, other relatives... try to find someone you identify with, and maybe they can open your eyes to different experiences. Maybe they can help you grow and develop in a way your mum cannot. After all, life is about meeting many different people, and learning from them all.

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