Comments for Child Abuse Story From Luani

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Oct 14, 2008
 Question your thoughts...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Luani, we don't "get over" the past; the past let's go of us when we learn to come to terms with it, when we question our thoughts about it. Consider this: whatever horrendous acts that happened to you are in the past, whether these acts happened to you 14 years ago, yesterday or even just a minute ago. Yet you continue to relive the events over and over in your mind, and then continue to exhibit more of the same when you disrespect yourself through promiscuity. This is about how you think, Luani. When you change what you think, you change how you act. When you question your thoughts and then turn them around, the thoughts that have imprisoned you can let you go. From there, you can start making healthy choices for yourself, because you'll respect yourself too much to NOT choose healthily.

I've often pointed story contributors toward a book that can help them along with the process. Byron Katie's Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life is a book for you. Luani, you are smart, very smart. Even as a 16-year-old who has more maturing to do, I believe you will be able to use the approach she (everyone calls her Katie) advocates. Do consider it for yourself; you're worth the questioning. It may also be helpful for you to seek out some form of counselling. Perhaps your school offers such a program.

I do wish you all the best. And keep reading the stories that appear on my site, as well as the comments offered. You may find solace, perhaps even answers, in those replies.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Luani.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Oct 14, 2008
 God Bless
by: Anonymous

May God Bless you and all the victims of sexual and mental abuse. They will pay on judement day.
Oct 17, 2008
 enjoying life
by: Anonymous

You are worthy of a man that will treat you right. You need to understand that there are men out there who will accept you for who you are even if you are not offering them a sexual relationship in the beginning. What happened to you was wrong, what you are letting other boys do to you now is wrong! Its hard but saying no will actually make you feel empowered and valuable. If you do not enjoy sex at this point then what is the point in doing it? Doesn't it make you feel terrible afterward?

I found it very difficult to enjoy sex after what happened to me as a child. It took a lot of time, someone who was kind and gentle, a man that was relaxed about it all. Whenever someone touched me I used to switch off and couldn't feel anything, once I noticed this I was able to concentrate on not switching off, or being able to recognize the trigger for that and stop. It took a year or so before I could actually enjoy sex.

I hope I have offered some advice that can help you.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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