Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lisa3

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Dec 19, 2008
 Our mothers were cut from the same cloth...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

No apologies necessary, Lisa. Writing can be so cathartic. My own story filled the pages of a book; and I had to slash the first draft by well over half!

Your mother is obviously troubled and needs psychological help for alcoholism and the residual of that alcoholism, plus all that she has lived in her own past. None of what she did to you was your fault, Lisa. NONE of it! Her nearly psychotic perfectionism and the way in which she tried to control every aspect of her environment through you and your brother was nothing short of deranged. I can relate to what you dealt with; my own mother imposed those same standards on me. I've written about it in memoir. The thing was, no matter how perfectly I completed a job, the job was never completed perfect enough for her. My mother looked for ways to make me do it all over again. Most days, she was determined to find a way to severely punish me for not rising to her impossible standard. What was worse was that she constantly changed the rules of the game, making it even more impossible to "please" her. Living this way taught me to figure out in advance what she might look for, or what she might make me do next so that I could avoid the repercussions of her anger, but failure was always imminent. I too cried my eyes out just about every night.

Your mother certainly singled you out, Lisa. I wrote an article for this site titled Why parents target a specific child for abuse. Although the article offers more in the way of answers than resolution, you might find it helps put some perspective onto your personal situation. Just understand that you are not alone and that you weren't to blame.

By the sounds of things, your relationship with your mother is still strained. I strongly urge you to enter into some form of counselling in order to help you with that relationship, Lisa. You're worth that kind help. Don't for one second believe all the lies your mother told you when you were growing up, because they were and still ARE lies. She projected her hostility and displeasure onto you; those vile words came from a warped mind; don't believe them. As a child you had no power; as an adult you can take back your power. But you can't do it alone. Please consider some counselling.

And for the record, I'd say your mother is very fortunate to have such a loving and devoted daughter in you; she is fortunate that you didn't turn your back on her. She certainly didn't earn your devotion. This tells me how special and precious you really are, Lisa. Don't lose sight of that about yourself.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Dec 19, 2008
 Such cruelty
by: Francine

Lisa, your mom is wrong. You are not ugly; you are not bad, you are not evil, you are NOT stupid! You are a good girl. You are beautiful, smart, articulate, good, caring and worthy of everything. I'm sorry that your mom was very cruel to you. The weird thing is, that I went through the same thing, too. Your mom should've been to jail for her cruelty towards you. I have run away many times, too. I truly understand your love for your little brother; my own brother hates me and I truly hate him [my brother] for what he did to me. The "being grounded" thing...yes, I can relate. You might want to try counselling. My heart goes out to you and I love you, Lisa.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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