Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lily

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May 19, 2011
 Lily:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

This host mother used her status in the community to control and manipulate you. And it sounds as though she has done this before. She terrorized you with intimidating behaviour. She indeed used emotional abuse to keep you from doing anything other than what she wanted from you. The fact that you didn't tell earlier doesn't make what happened your fault, Lily. You did what you thought was right because you were afraid that one, you wouldn't be believed, and two, that it would cost you the education you so dearly wanted. And she knew that. That's what she held over your head, which was evident from the very first time she abused you. She counted on it, Lily. That's called "grooming". So don't ever blame yourself. I do suggest you seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the effects this experience has had on you. You didn't deserve to be abused. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. It's very disturbing that your mother didn't believe you, because this fact could put you in danger the next time you decide to become an exchange student. Please also consider lodging a formal complaint with the people responsible for the exchange program you were in; otherwise, another child will be put at risk for what you, and very likely others, have endured at the hands of this obviously troubled woman. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
May 19, 2011
 Such cruelty
by: Anonymous

Lily, your host mom is wrong. You are not stupid; you are not dumb; you are smart and articulate. You are not spoiled; you are not a brat; you are not ungrateful; you are a good, beautiful person. Don't ever believe any of those lies that she was spewing. Something's seriously wrong with her. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. Oh, and shame on the system for turning a blind eye on you! Oh, and did I mention that she also even set you up for failure? That's just all about power and control...and I believe that she really wanted you to fail just so she could keep controlling you. Oh, and you are not to blame for her nearly sadistic behavior; she is to blame because she chose to abuse you. You were the child; she was the adult; she had all the power and nly misused it over you, so please tell someone you trust and keep telling until he/she will finally listen to you and help you. Oh, and you can also try counselling.
May 19, 2011
 manipulation and control
by: Tim L.

This person obviously takes advantage of the fact that students like you are all alone in a strange place, vulnerable and dependent on her, to play power games and vent her emotional issues. She is wrong to do so, and needs to be stopped; I agree that you need to tell someone with the program, and don't be afraid to speak out. It is understandable that you felt unable to tell anyone at the time; that powerlessness is what she counted on and intentionally engineered, and is not your fault.

This woman is a responsible adult, she chooses of her own accord to take on exchange students, and has done it several times in the past; so you don't owe a huge debt of gratitude towards her, certainly not to the extent of denying the hurt and damage which her abuse caused you. She is in the wrong here, and should not be allowed to control, manipulate, and harass the young people in her care. Talking about it will help you, and if the first person you find denies your experience, just go to someone else.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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