Comments for Child Abuse Story From Leah B

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Apr 23, 2009
 Avoiding additional trauma when handling disclosures of sexual abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Leah, I am so glad you told. Telling was so courageous. And although your mother did the best she could, your story clearly shows there are better ways to handle such disclosures:
  1. Never tell a child you won't tell anyone or that it will stay "your little secret" or some such words. A child needs to feel comfortable telling a parent anything and everything, be it about abuse or something else, without fear of retribution.

  2. Parents need to be prepared for the possibility of an abuse disclosure. They need to understand that their reactions will have a lasting effect on their child. So if a parent asks the question outright: "Has anyone ever touched you?" then that parent must find a way to stay calm and not react in front of the child. Have your meltdown away from your child.

  3. If a child DOES disclose, that child needs to be lavished with praise. And then the child needs to be prepared for what is to follow. "We're going to tell Daddy...don't worry, he's going to be so proud of you for telling." And when Daddy knows: "We're going to make sure that you haven't been hurt."

  4. Children need to understand that they have the right to say no when it comes to their bodies, because if a child knows this, even though s/he cannot necessarily stop an assault from taking place, s/he will know to tell a parent. This must be an ongoing age-appropriate conversation with the child.

  5. Children need to be prepared for what is to come, even beyond what I wrote in the third point. Leah, if your parents had been more able to stay calm, if they had prepared you for what to expect with the medical examination, for everything that would follow, you would have been in a better position mentally to cope with it all.
What I fear is that you are now so scarred by the experience that you are advocating for children NOT to tell. I hope this isn't the case. Telling is the only way to ensure the abuse stops. I do hope you have access to some form of counselling in order to help you deal with both the abuse itself and the resulting emotional residue left by the way your brave disclosure was handled. You deserve that kind of help.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and for providing an opportunity to help parents deal with disclosures of sexual abuse in a way that will lessen the trauma for their child. You've been brave yet again, dear.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 24, 2009
 My story
by: Leah Barnard

I tell every child that they should tell an adult if they have ever been hurt. I know how much pain i went thru. It is not right.

From Darlene: I'm SO glad to hear that, Leah. You truly are a brave young woman. I do wish you all the best.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 25, 2009
 Thank U. Helpful guidelines for us all to follow
by: Maurice

Leah B thank you, your comment most beneficial to us all and to those children to be re-assured they are being listened to when they tell a family member or safe person of what is happening to them, Your comment evoked caring guidelines for us to register with from Darlene. She is so loving and caring in all her comments to each of her visitors. Thank you.
May 06, 2009
 hurt
by: Leah Barnard

No child should ever have to go thru what i went thru. Children should not have to worry about getting hurt like that. Children should be allowed to be children and not have to worry about a thing. Children should think about what they are going to play and am i going to play with not anything else.
May 06, 2009
 Here's hoping you have moved on from what happened you as a child.
by: maurice

Leah I agree wholeheartily that a child should grow up with LOVE. Love of a mother and father of siblings of extended family members and of course the friends they make. Sadly as a child you were not LOVED but used and abused as a vulnerable and very innocent child. Only you now Leah can move one now that you realize you were abused. Darlene's words are still real for you to move on with. So Leah Say I'M SPECIAL: Say I can, I will, I must Think Positive, Act Positive and Be Positive for me to move onward and upward.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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