Comments for Child Abuse Story From Julius

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Apr 09, 2011
 Julius:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

This is not a place for advice, as much as it's a place for people to share what in many cases they've never been able to share before. I had to shut down my Ask Darlene segment because I can no longer keep up with it. What I will say here is that you are a loving, caring and compassionate man. I commend and applaud that you're trying to help this woman. But if you're intent on having a relationship with her, you must be respectful of her process. You must also go into this with your eyes wide open. All you can be is supportive and understanding. You cannot force her into anything, including getting help for herself. That's got to be her choice. If you force it, she will see it as controlling and manipulative. In other words, more of the same of what she grew up with. You also have to decide if you are equipped to deal with the problems that go with all of this. Because if you're not prepared to deal with her process and the limitations she has as a result of what she endured as a child, if you can't be patient to the degree she needs you to be, then it's best that you tell her now and leave the relationship. It's your choice on whether or not you want to commit to what's to come. I wish you and your girlfriend all the best, and I thank you for sharing her story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Apr 10, 2011
 Your cry for help has been noted: You have found a safe place to share:
by: maurice

In Darlene comment you have the courage of your love and convictions to walk with her as a friend: keep it to the talking level, allow her to talk in her own time when the time is right for her move on in her life to sort out her personal what seemingly from what you have written ever so honestly and from your heart is abuse: She will have to be brave: have the courage to admit she needs help from counselling or talking to a therapist: Just be there for her NOW; don't force anything: you'll have to be patient, loving, understanding, caring, respectful of her sensitivity where she is at in her life right now: Be gentle and kind: Get on with living your own life to the full, if you meet you meet leave it at that: Know she may take and need time to sort it all out: having a deep relationship may not be the immediate solution to her feelings and sensitivities:
Apr 11, 2011
 Please...
by: Anonymous

Google "I Survive" - I know advice isn't for this site but this is an online support group for survivors and loved ones of survivors.

You have to decide if being with her is good for you, to stay with her out of guilt isn't right. SHE has to decide to heal and often...honestly...that doesn't come as young as 25. It CAN happen, but it has to be HER decision.

Much luck to you.
Apr 13, 2011
 needs a friend
by: Scottt 1

Just be a friend first. No pressure or expectations and know that it may never get better, or at least not for a very very long time. Expectations and hope are tough. Hoping and waiting for someone to change can drive you nuts, but understand that they may never change. Make the choice to stick by at distance and be a friend. Everyone needs friends. She needs a friend. It might just be your chance to do something great and help, but understand that its all about them. This is what Ive learned from dealing with people like that. It doesnt help adding pressure and can be very frustrating. Know that there is gold in those hugs and everyone needs hugs.
Apr 14, 2011
 don't give up on her
by: cindy

i can remember i used to be the same way with my husband but he stood with me and help me to get true my pass one thing i learn from him is that your pass and it should make you stronger i no sometime in lwe get treated badly but there is a God an we need to leave it in his hands talking about my pass with others had made me get true you should be there for her after all she deserve to be happy too let her no you love her and you will not hurt her feeling b there for her.I would keep you all in pray May God bless u for sharing this story it made me notice that i only have not been abused and there are others who r still hurting that i need to pray for

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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