Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jenah

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Apr 13, 2008
 You are NOT to blame...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your father is the one to blame, Jenah, not you (or your sister). He was the adult; you were the child. It was his job to nurture and protect you and your sister. What he did to both of you was vile, twisted and perverted. He took advantage of you and your sister's naivety and vulnerability as children. I hope he spends the rest of his life in prison for his criminal acts against you both.

Jenah, memory can be vivid, fleeting or blocked completely. The way memory works is far too multifaceted and complicated a topic to address within the confines of this forum, and it is way beyond the scope of this website. But I will point out a couple of possibilities for you.

There are a variety of reasons that you didn't remember what your father did to you. The human brain is a highly complex organ. As a little girl who loved her dad and trusted him implicitly, you may not have known that what he was doing to you was wrong. As an adolescent, you learned that molestation was wrong. But you can never put adult values on the way you as a child behaved or reacted. If you didn't think that what he was doing was wrong, there may have been nothing memorable for you to recall. But also understand that few, if any people, ever remember all that happened to them as children.

If you found the incidents of abuse particularly difficult to process, it's quite possible that you blocked out what was too hard to remember as a coping mechanism. A couple of pages on this site I think you might benefit from looking at are:

  • Sexual abuse victims: Section titled How Victims Adapt

  • Sexual abuse effects


    • You have NOTHING to be ashamed of or to feel guilty for, Jenah. You acted so maturely, so lovingly, protecting your sister from further harm, after you learned that she was being abused. THAT'S what you must focus on. THAT'S what you must give yourself due credit for. Without you, your sister would likely still be being molested by your father. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back, Jenah. Your sister is lucky to have such a caring, loving and protective sister in you.

    I understand all too well feeling responsible for what happened to your sister. I had to learn that it wasn't my job as a child to protect my siblings. I had to learn that what happened to them wasn't my fault. I also had to learn that what happened to me wasn't my fault. I learned these lessons through intense therapy. I strongly recommend that you too enter into some form of counselling in order to help you with the emotional turmoil that you are now living with. You're worth that kind of help, Jenah. You devotedly helped your sister; now it's time to help yourself.

    Darlene Barriere
    Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
    Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
    May 10, 2008
    		 Trust in God
    by: Beth

    You are not to blame Jenah. I am much too familiar with this situation not personally but through my own daughter. She experienced this by a man whom we welcomed in our home and she called Dad. He told me he would protect and love but she and I and instead he betrayed the trust and molested her at a young age. We are just recuperating from this. We find strength and courage by trusting God and accepting that this was by no way her fault because as mentioned in other responses he was the adult and you as well as my daughter were children. I whole heartedly feel that if you are the victims and should never feel guilty. You trusted an adult and were betrayed. These people are mentally sick and need help but this is not to excuse their taking away the innocence of young children.

    I have yet to forgive this man who portrayed to be a loving father and husband. I hope you find GOD and let him guide you through your journey. I also recommend that you and your sister see a therapist. Sometimes you need to hear and see other perspectives from people who are trained in studying the makings of these very sick people to understand why - not that it makes it better but will help you understand that again, you are the Victim and should not take any fault in what happened to you and your sister. May you stay close to God, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
    I will pray for you and your sister. Beth -

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